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SexyJohnGriggs

  1. How do you say "I'm trying to sleep! Turn off that damn leaf blower or I'll come out there & stick it up your ass!" in Spanish?
  2. I know that Jesus loves me. I can't return the favor because I'm not attracted to gay Latinos.
  3. I told my boss today "You're an idiot! I'm quitting this stupid job!" Everyone around me was shocked... probably because I'm self-employed.
  4. New blog:Alternatives to Getting a Regular Job - bit.ly/I9fc35
  5. My boss documented that a customer used fowl language. I wonder how that conversation went. "I'm not paying this bill! Bawk Bawk Bawk Bawk!"
  6. On my new suit it says "professional dry clean only". Is there any unprofessional dry cleaners? "Ma'am here's your suit! BTW, nice tits!"
  7. Article on how to get paid comedy gigs: bit.ly/x6377t
  8. I'm looking for a job. In my cover letter should I write "Hire me! Pretty please with sugar on top?"
  9. Opinions are like assholes. Sometimes they're fucked!
  10. If you're broke, develop your skills so you can help others more to build wealth. Complaining is not going to help you.
  11. If you're single you can either be miserable or use this time to improve yourself so you can attract your ideal partner.
  12. What did Rihanna say to Chris Brown after they got in a fight? "You idiot! I said I like black GUYS!"
  13. What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna? "I'd hit that!"
  14. I recently started seeing a new woman. For Lent she's giving it up for 40 days.
  15. If you're a guy & a woman says this to you, you're definitely getting laid! "You're not a cop are you?"
  16. Woman tells me she doesn't believe in sex before marriage. I can respect that. Fortunately, both of us were married in previous lives.
  17. Last time I was in Vegas I saw a really gorgeous looking whore! I was looking in the mirror.
  18. See me do comedy & celebrate my birthday with me at Toso's! 2401 W Union Hills Dr PHX. Fri Jan 13 830pm. It's gonna rock!
  19. I'm performing tonight at Mountain View Rec Center. 2927 E Campbell Ave, PHX. Show starts at 7pm. Only $5 for a fun night of clean comedy.
  20. Here's an erotic short story I wrote recently... bit.ly/zmAOnK