SBFishpants
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Now they're marketing sparkly, pasty, "stays cold" Twilight inspired sex toys. I have to go scrub my inner eye with a cheese grater now.
about 4 hours ago
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In case anyone is wondering, I was just voted most likely to be eaten by the family in the event of a famine here in Seattle. Goody?
4:41 PM Nov 22nd
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I just caught the cat up on the counter eating saltines. That's so gross. Who eats saltines without butter?
4:33 PM Nov 22nd
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Huh. They found Gallileo's fingers after 400 years. So I guess that puts finding my lucky socks behind the hamper into some perspective.
3:26 PM Nov 20th
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Given my admitted lack of people skills I thought I'd ask, is breaking into the "I'm so glad you're a stupid twit" dance considered rude?
7:44 AM Nov 20th
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Chad threatened to take me to see "New Moon" for my birthday. I threatened to put him in foster care. Another touching family moment.
7:11 AM Nov 20th
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♫ Snails! Nothing more than molluscs, mislabeled as crustaceans, at the Petco STORE. Snails wowowo snails wowowo snails. Molluscs of love ♫
9:58 PM Nov 19th
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It occurs to me that my intake of muscle relaxers has left me ill-prepared if the zombie apocalypse starts today.
3:12 PM Nov 19th
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A pound of bacon, 3 chocolate bars, and a rifle. Yep, that's what I call "retail therapy". Let's see someone cut me off in traffic NOW.
10:26 PM Nov 17th
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My wife's shock at the ensembles worn by Walmart shoppers leads me to believe that we don't get out nearly enough. Or own enough tights.
1:01 PM Nov 15th
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@ Soup.
12:56 PM Nov 15th
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in reply to aglaia531
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I'm starting to think American's would buy shit smoothies as long as the words "antioxidant" and "fat-free" were plastered across the label.
12:53 PM Nov 15th
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The fact that the only birthday card I've received is from the bank should tell you all you need to know about my social skills.
1:28 PM Nov 13th
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I just looked up Carrie Prejean's resume online. I admit it. I'm impressed. I had no idea she could even spell "vapid spokesbitch".
10:58 AM Nov 12th
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Thank God stupid isn't flammable or the combination of Carrie Prejean and Pat Robertson would have baked us all like cookies this week.
6:37 AM Nov 12th
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@ Selling point? No, but on the other hand it suggests a plethora of chowder-in-the-hair opportunities.
11:17 PM Nov 11th
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in reply to aglaia531
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"I thought I had a heinous medical condition but it turns out my bra is broken." Sara continues primping...
4:31 PM Nov 11th
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"Do I have too much chowder in my hair to go out?" Leading me to ponder the socially acceptable hair/chowder ratio.
4:12 PM Nov 11th
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Dear Walmart shopper: Nothing says "I'm gonna beat this constipation problem" like 5 gallons of Valvoline and a box of Depends.
1:19 PM Nov 11th
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RT@nonsequiturific : I wonder if the NASA engineers who designed the urine recycling system sang "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Urea?"
12:24 PM Nov 10th
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- Name Wendy Scholl
- Location Seattle, Wa
- Bio The name is SUPPOSED to be Spongebob Fishpants, but NOOOO. Twitter has a character limit. Turkeys.
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