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RyanStoutEnt

  1. Looking at old photos reminds me just how much I've changed since I was a kid: http://twitpic.com/ua4it
  2. This year for Christmas, I'm giving myself diabetes. http://twitpic.com/u4y5b
  3. The opening scene in Jaws, where the girl's getting pushed around the water, shrieking and wailing-- How do I make her screams my ring tone?
  4. Will be performing @ the Improv (8162 Melrose Ave, LA, CA) TONIGHT, 10PM! If you bring a friend, you pay double!
  5. Looking for new car insurance; need a policy that covers this: http://twitpic.com/tskao
  6. Mistook a shingles website for a singles website. Was wondering why that girl was talking so openly about her blistering skin rash...
  7. Show me on the doll RT @ronschott Mad props to @RyanStoutEnt for last nite's opening ... for @bobsaget. He had me laughing in the good place
  8. I prefer hilari-frickin-ous RT @OMGjesi @RyanStoutEnt was hil-frickin-arious!
  9. Great show w/ @bobsaget in Seattle. In appreciation of the crowd, I left a present hidden somewhere in the city. Lemme know if you find it.
  10. Riding thru Seattle with @bobsaget. 9PM show at The Moore Theatre. Free diarrhea (amounts vary) with purchase of a ticket.
  11. Landed in Seattle with @bobsaget. 9PM show at The Moore Theatre. Free tuberculosis with purchase of a ticket.
  12. Headed to Seattle with @bobsaget. 9PM show at The Moore Theatre. Free filth with purchase of a ticket.
  13. Thanks, Portland. It was very nice to meet you. Please tell your mother that I'm sorry about the rug.
  14. I lost a lamp in the first Gulf War.
  15. Just found out that "COMEDY CENTRAL PRESENTS... RYAN STOUT" will premiere on April 30, 2010, at 11PM. Start the countdown.
  16. Freezing. Somebody, turn up the sundial.
  17. Read Mike Huckabee's "A Simple X-mas: 12 Stories That Celebrate the True Holiday Spirit and Make You Forget About Those 4 Cops Who Got Shot"
  18. Why didn't this list (http://tinyurl.com/yhee4pn) of "5 Worst Co-workers of 2009" include Major Nidal Hasan (http://tinyurl.com/yct72yw)?!?
  19. Will be appearing on @chelsealately tonight, 11PM EST. Tune-in to E! Entertainment Television to hear the audience moan at things I say.
  20. If I thought I could study abroad, kill my roommate during violent sex-play, and get away with it, I would have-- That's why I stayed home!