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RyanCRobert

Sometimes I forget that sleep is a thing that happens to people. about 22 hours ago via web
mindykaling We are in the era of "mistress as protagonist" and it is just amazing 8:57 AM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone Retweeted by RyanCRobert and 256 others
Dear fly that just whispered in my ear, You aren't funny. You are not a stand up comedian. Stop. Sincerely, me. 5:20 AM Apr 28th via web
I don't live in Australia, though. That's why I don't work well. Or at all. Mystery solved. 5:00 AM Apr 28th via web
Oh also this is night time for me you guys. And this is why I would work really well in Australia. 4:58 AM Apr 28th via web
There is no god because if there was I wouldn't get super ridiculously hungry immediately after brushing my teeth EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. 4:58 AM Apr 28th via web
Thanks so much @TheBloggess for humoring me by taking that picture of us collating pictures of Wil Wheaton collating paper. #furiouslyhappy 6:53 PM Apr 17th via Twitter for iPhone
I was going to bring a giant taxidermied deer head to @TheBloggess's book signing but I was afraid B&N might think it was a mafia thing. 12:28 PM Apr 17th via web
verymarykate oops! i think the tmobile pink dress girl overheard me say she looks fat in pastels cuz now shes crying and i said it into a bullhorn. 11:09 PM Apr 16th via Twitter for iPhone Retweeted by RyanCRobert and 78 others
Does anybody know where I could get a taxidermied animal like rull quick at 1am for less than 10 dollars? I need it for a book signing. 10:03 PM Apr 16th via web
Hello chapter 8. Nice to meet you. 4:25 PM Apr 15th via Twitter for iPhone
I just faced my anxiety-based fears about calling customer service so that I could go to @TheBloggess's book signing. Oh, hi poetic justice. 11:50 AM Apr 15th via web
I spent the entire day thinking that it was April 19th and that Kathy! was premiering tonight. I am now in a depression. A great depression. 3:43 PM Apr 12th via web
It's ridiculous how excited I am for @mindykaling's new show. I want seven seasons to be out already so I can just go on a netflix-binge. 12:00 AM Apr 11th via web
LIPGLOSS IS PLAYING IN THE. LUB OH SHYTTTTTT 11:02 PM Apr 6th via Twitter for iPhone
Drag queen hitting on me hardcore. I love you sweetie but not like that. 10:59 PM Apr 6th via Twitter for iPhone
Gay clubs aren't so bad once you get past the loud music and the dancing and the people. 10:52 PM Apr 6th via Twitter for iPhone
And also instead of a jungle it's a club. 9:13 PM Apr 6th via Twitter for iPhone
You know that show "I'm a celebrity get me out"? That but replace "a celebrity" with "antisocial." 9:11 PM Apr 6th via Twitter for iPhone
Putting ice on my nose so it will shrink to a normal size. DIY nose job. 2:33 PM Apr 6th via web

Name Ryan C. Robert
Location New York
Bio This is the funniest part of my entire life. Also: Don't mobile follow me unless you want fourteen texts at 5AM. Actually, don't mobile follow me at all.