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Ireland
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United States
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RolandSlinger

  1. I'd like to say I'm green, but you could cut down a tree, wrap it in plastic, and throw it at a pod of dolphins and I wouldn't give a shit. 42 minutes ago via Silver Bird
  2. In the office, we have our own Game of Thrones. Barbara in accounting got called out for loose stool in the unisex bathroom again. about 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  3. Really, the lyrics "a kid went in the store with their mother/I saw them when they came out she was getting some pampers" deserves an OD. about 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  4. Or concentration camps. about 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  5. Starting a law in my state where we send Sublime fans to a rehabilitation center. about 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  6. Eating this jar of mayonnaise for breakfast because fuck friends. about 3 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  7. Ever get ready to shower but feel like you're just washing of your fat armor? I need Taco Bell... about 10 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  8. Just saw an Asian with a step haircut. So yeah, fuck unicorns. about 16 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  9. Maybe this jogging thing is just another term for butt sex and I've been missing out... 6:51 PM May 29th via Twitter for iPhone
  10. A cigarette behind the ear is a good look if you want to say "I'd desperately do anything for crack". 6:08 PM May 29th via Twitter for iPhone
  11. Going to BBQ today. Anyone in the mood for some medium rare face steaks with a side of bath salts? 3:29 PM May 29th via Twitter for iPhone
  12. A live turducken must be really awkward in flight. 6:52 PM May 27th via Twitter for iPhone
  13. Who needs NASA? I got duct tape, an Amazon account, and that Asian kid from Goonies. I'll be on Mars by November. 10:51 AM May 27th via Twitter for iPhone
  14. Not sure about a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure Rosie O' Donnell is eating some pasta right now. 10:50 AM May 27th via Twitter for iPhone
  15. Can someone check on my grandma? She loves Fancy Feast and it's been awhile... 10:46 AM May 27th via Twitter for iPhone
  16. Maybe a dung beetle hasn't had a cheeseburger before and is just missing out. 10:22 AM May 27th via Twitter for iPhone
  17. @SlappNuttz In a Small Town? I think that's a Pearl Jam song. 10:16 AM May 27th via Twitter for iPhone in reply to SlappNuttz
  18. If I ever hate the Internet, I'm moving to Chile. That seems like it'd be the only place without it in the whole world. 10:16 AM May 27th via Twitter for iPhone
  19. Sometimes people talk to me about soccer. I don't know what they're saying, so I just push them into a tree. 7:49 PM May 26th via Twitter for iPhone
  20. There's no difference in the sound of a nuclear bomb or dropping a fluorescent lightbulb. 6:11 PM May 26th via Twitter for iPhone