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Real_Statham

  1. reading a Winston fackin Churchill bio.. poor old sod was more eccentric than my nan.. she remembers hearing him on the fackin wireless..
  2. ahhh peace at last.. packed nan off to play bridge for a few hours with Angela Lansbury & her moldovian fackin poodle stylist..
  3. nan looks well different without her barnet.. from Babs Windsor to Germaine fackin Greer in the tip of a cheap syrup.. bless her..
  4. feel bad.. nan just brought me her trademark trifle as a peace offering.. least that explains where my triple fackin sec liqueur went..
  5. in the fackin gazebo on my laptop.. me & nan ain't been talking much.. since Thora Hird's biography blocked the fackin hot tub filter..
  6. nothing like being with someone who changed your shit filled nappies to keep you fackin grounded..
  7. grandmothers flight - $900.. grandmother showing your agent photos of you in your birthday suit at Butlins as a toddler - fackin priceless..
  8. nan's partial to Beefeater Gin.. i often remind her that Gin is a depressant.. her stock reply.."i'll depress YOU in a minute young man.."
  9. stairlift ?.. gave her an ensuite on the ground floor.. but she's still up & down the apples & pears pilfering booze from the snooker room..
  10. found a half sucked Werthers Original stuck to my latest script..
  11. i swear chaps.. you could catapult a man into space with one of her fackin girdles.. just getting nan into the car is right fackin polava..
  12. "do they have a Marks & Spencer here love ?" . . unlimited budget, top designers, personal fackin shoppers.. and nan wants value knitwear..
  13. took nan down Rodeo Drive yesterday.. and all she could talk about was the fackin palm trees & how we don't have them in fackin Sydenham..
  14. show nan the Audi ad ?!.. nah my nan's old skool.. she ain't proud i'm pluggin kraut motors.. she remembers the fackin blitz & rationing..
  15. trying to get my nan into dubstep.. is like trying to get Anne Widdecombe into a fackin wetsuit..
  16. apparently nan likes "that nice Alan Davies boy".. i spat a chip.. "he's very clever" she says.. Tezza has some fackin toyboy competition..
  17. @alandavies1 not a fackin peep from you since i sold you & westwood that dodgy tom foolery down Covent Garden .. her indoors appreciative ?
  18. RT @sherionline @Real_Statham I'd only worry if you wake up and gran's scantily clad in the kitchen making Sir Wogan vindaloo..
  19. RT @AllyB007 @Real_Statham Nan and Naan for Naan bread Jase 4 the ruby lol - mmm that's why i used the word dysfackinlexic my old china..
  20. i say gran.. i actually call her nan.. trouble with that is.. numpty dyslexic ruby fanatics associate nan's with vindafackinloo's..