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Rayke

  1. http://twitpic.com/pgf1m - Oh yeah. It's gonna be a *hell* of a night.
  2. http://twitpic.com/pfu0l - This is how I know that we're supposed to be together.
  3. Webster's Dictionary defines "cliche speech open" as "Webster's Dictionary defines..."
  4. http://twitpic.com/pd9i0 - This is what passes for exciting in my house. Also, I'm addicted to Farmville.
  5. Irony is your friends "We aim to please. You aim too, please?" sign over the toilet causing you to laugh so hard you piss all on the floor.
  6. Nothing says "today is going to be awesome" quite like doing shots of Jameson with a homless man (who has an iPhone) before work.
  7. Drove all over a college campus and now downtown OKC. I spent more time getting stuck in traffic than Larry Johnson in the Chiefs backfield.
  8. Having a beard is like having a second penis, only I won't get in trouble for stroking this one in public.
  9. Let's just call a spade a spade. Unless it's name is "David". In that case, let's just call a Spade a douchebag.
  10. If pawn shops would just sell heroin directly, they wouldn't have to worry about always being the middle man.
  11. "I wanted to say 'thanks for that blowjob!' but I didn't know how to without being creepy, so I just sent her a present on Farmville."
  12. When the FUCK did "grande" become "medium" and "medium" become "ghost hunter"??
  13. They should just rename Keystone Light as "Daddy Issues".
  14. http://twitpic.com/ow5be - Had to reorganize the calendar section of the store today. Put Tina Fey where she rightly belongs.
  15. http://twitpic.com/ovxd6 - Wouldn't it be hilarious if I Tweeted about being stuck in a freight elevator on Mobday morning HA HA HA itsnotaj
  16. Ideas that sounded good in my dreams: "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - THE VIDEO GAME".
  17. "If you get your whole hand in there, your penis has probably in there before..." - @Saxxy12
  18. I have a friend who has huge hair and is trying to lose weight. I call him Afro-Diety.
  19. I discriminate against people wearing Ed Hardy clothes like they're Muslims.
  20. Her: Research paper. Do you know anything about euthanasia? Me: They work in sweatshops? Her: Inappropiate. And a bit racist. Well done.