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RatsRunThisTown

  1. So what if I can't spell Armageddon, it's not the end of the world.
  2. I love being raised by my father. He's schizophrenic but he's good people.
  3. My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster but it only made it more sluggish.
  4. I love the amount of sex I'm getting with all the women at work. Its one of the main reasons I became an undertaker in the first place.
  5. I'm not a Gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.
  6. 1) Buy a sword. 2) Call it Kindness. 3) Kill people with Kindness.
  7. @NoogsCorner I'm sorry it took this long to tweet this: i.imgur.com/VUYAx.jpg
  8. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I have no condom, so anal maybe?
  9. Call me. Fuck this "Maybe" bullshit.
  10. My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they are more brave than I am.
  11. I was going to tell a joke about Chris Brown but I forgot the punch line.
  12. Why can't the Tyrannosaurus Rex clap? Because they're dead.
  13. What if Twitter was actually important enough to justify the 23 hours a day we spend on it?
  14. I can't believe all the singles in my area who want to meet me. It's probably because of all the iPads I've won.
  15. "Ugh tell me about it!" translates as "Please don't fucking bore me with your irrelevant story".
  16. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7? I still love vista, baby.
  17. What if Harry Potter was in a mental hospital after the car crash where his parents died, and he created Hogwarts as a coping mechanism.
  18. Velcro - What a rip off.
  19. It's not rape if they're corpses.