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RatsRunThisTown

  1. So what if I can't spell Armageddon, it's not the end of the world. about 17 hours ago via Favstar.FM
  2. I love being raised by my father. He's schizophrenic but he's good people. about 17 hours ago via web
  3. My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster but it only made it more sluggish. about 20 hours ago via web
  4. I love the amount of sex I'm getting with all the women at work. Its one of the main reasons I became an undertaker in the first place. 7:23 AM Jun 2nd via Twitter for iPhone
  5. I'm not a Gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one. 2:18 AM Jun 2nd via web
  6. 1) Buy a sword. 2) Call it Kindness. 3) Kill people with Kindness. 12:43 PM Jun 1st via web
  7. @NoogsCorner I'm sorry it took this long to tweet this: i.imgur.com/VUYAx.jpg 10:10 AM Jun 1st via web
  8. Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but I have no condom, so anal maybe? 8:43 AM Jun 1st via web
  9. Call me. Fuck this "Maybe" bullshit. 7:40 AM Jun 1st via web
  10. My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they are more brave than I am. 3:51 PM May 31st via web
  11. I was going to tell a joke about Chris Brown but I forgot the punch line. 2:27 PM May 31st via web
  12. Why can't the Tyrannosaurus Rex clap? Because they're dead. 6:38 AM May 31st via web
  13. What if Twitter was actually important enough to justify the 23 hours a day we spend on it? 3:06 PM May 30th via web
  14. I can't believe all the singles in my area who want to meet me. It's probably because of all the iPads I've won. 11:50 AM May 30th via Favstar.FM
  15. "Ugh tell me about it!" translates as "Please don't fucking bore me with your irrelevant story". 9:31 AM May 30th via web
  16. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when someone told him to upgrade to Windows 7? I still love vista, baby. 6:31 AM May 30th via web
  17. What if Harry Potter was in a mental hospital after the car crash where his parents died, and he created Hogwarts as a coping mechanism. 1:33 AM May 30th via web
  18. Velcro - What a rip off. 8:03 AM May 29th via web
  19. It's not rape if they're corpses. 7:19 AM May 28th via web