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QuotesForIdiots

  1. Losing weight would be easy if I had a jogging toilet. about 10 hours ago via Twitter for Mac
  2. They say you should buy low and sell high. That’s good advice, but you can make even more money if you buy *lower* and sell *higher*. 2:54 PM May 29th via Twitter for Mac
  3. As the rats rushed out of the box, stabbing him with their crudely made shivs, he began to think he wasn't meant to be a scientist after all 6:00 AM Mar 22nd via HootSuite
  4. It takes two to tango, but it takes only one to turn off the tango music and laugh at the two still doing the tango without music. 6:00 AM Mar 21st via HootSuite
  5. Looking intently into his eyes I could see a deep, dark sadness that chilled me to the bone — he was a carnie. ow.ly/9Fn1Y 6:00 AM Mar 20th via HootSuite
  6. I don't know why the neighbor's kids can have their lemonade stand but I can't have my *freshly killed rats* stand. ow.ly/9FmH2 6:00 AM Mar 19th via HootSuite
  7. Bacon is the rich man's sausage. ow.ly/9Fn68 6:00 AM Mar 18th via HootSuite
  8. Pooping in the dark is hard at first, but once you find the toilet paper it's mostly smooth sailing. ow.ly/9FmCb 6:00 AM Mar 17th via HootSuite
  9. "I'm only human, not some mythical Sasquatch!" — Bob, the deceitful Sasquatch 12:00 PM Mar 16th via HootSuite
  10. Grave Dancing — quotesforidiots.com/grave-dancing/ 6:00 AM Mar 16th via HootSuite
  11. "My friends call me guy" — guy without a name 12:05 PM Mar 15th via HootSuite
  12. Be nice to your computer. It knows all of your secrets. ow.ly/9wvQl 6:05 AM Mar 15th via HootSuite
  13. They were never as popular as lawn darts, but toilet darts are still my all-time favorite dart. ow.ly/9wvIS 6:05 AM Mar 14th via HootSuite
  14. Take the time today to call up an old friend and say hello. This is a good way to remember why you stopped talking to him. 6:05 AM Mar 13th via HootSuite
  15. If life gives you lemons, don't eat them — it's a trick! quotesforidiots.com/lemons/ 6:05 AM Mar 12th via HootSuite
  16. There are no bad people — only good people and carnies. ow.ly/9wvf9 6:05 AM Mar 11th via HootSuite
  17. The life you dream of: quotesforidiots.com/dreams/ 6:05 AM Mar 10th via HootSuite
  18. The sharper the pencil, the more eyes lost to pencil mishaps. ow.ly/9wuUM 6:05 AM Mar 9th via HootSuite
  19. "I love sports!" — sports fan 3:52 PM Mar 8th via Twitter for Mac