PoppedCherries
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I'm incredibly vain. I like to imagine women's breasts as two round mirrors and I check myself out all the time.
6:24 AM May 31st
via web
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When I was growing up, I had some serious sexual tension with a Spice Girls poster.
6:11 PM May 16th
via web
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Eating a girl out upside down would seem incredibly disorienting.
3:38 AM May 11th
via web
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I just set the world record for flicking an ant.
6:01 PM May 7th
via web
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I love that half second of relief in the morning when the bathroom mirror confirms you didn't turn into Sloth while you slept.
8:02 AM May 4th
via web
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I parked under a tree today and when I came back to my car it looked like a 200 bird bukkake orgy happened on my windshield.
9:55 AM Apr 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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At goodwill you always have to calculate whether something was designed yellow, or if at some point in time it was covered in cat piss.
11:38 AM Apr 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I only use the handicapped dressing rooms. They can't have all the good spaces.
8:59 AM Apr 12th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I love hearing stories of nature fucking up someone's day.
12:31 PM Apr 6th
via web
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I'm so horny I just tried to pick up a girl in the JCPenny Sunday circular.
11:48 AM Apr 1st
via web
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No one realizes that for every room that has a computer in it, someone has definitely jerked off in front of it.
12:40 PM Mar 20th
via web
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I imagine my garbage disposal is a mini Sarlacc. Either that or a hungry hungry vagina.
5:08 AM Mar 19th
via web
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Every document that needs an official photo of me looks like a passport to get into the pedophile of the year awards banquet.
11:13 AM Mar 14th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I hate dropping tacks on the floor. It's like fucking a sketchy chick at the club. You never know when that shit will come back to bite you.
10:59 AM Mar 14th
via web
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I hope we cry as hard as we did for Whitney when they find Weird Al coked out and naked in the bathtub.
12:45 PM Mar 10th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Have you ever noticed you can't jerk out the loneliness your balls feel when they're blue?
10:34 AM Mar 8th
via web
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I just had the best Scaregasm. Sacregasm = Jerking off late at night and being startled by a loud noise at the exact moment you finish.
12:57 AM Feb 14th
via web
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I can't believe what they're saying about Whitney! Film superstar?? Glitter wasn't that good.
7:29 PM Feb 11th
via Twitter for iPhone
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My balls smell like a dirty fish tank and my farts remind me of my grandmas basement.
1:22 PM Jan 25th
via Twitter for iPhone
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My penis told me it wants to be a serial killer. Time to load up on PB&J's and find some loose women with a peanut allergy.
2:05 AM Jan 19th
via web
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- Name Popped-Cherries.com
- Bio A pretentious author that is just a meeting away from the big time.
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