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PeineComedy

  1. "I'ma fuck Romeo bitchass up." -Romeo and Juliet
  2. I don't wanna sell drugs, but there seems to be a lot of money in guacamole.
  3. Mitch Hedberg would've been the king of twitter.
  4. Jesus shit. Celtics are dunzo.
  5. Critics of any art: You are worthless maggot-eating Nazi cunt fucks who drink zombie dick sweat. Fuck all of you. Die of AIDS.
  6. Saw The Dictator. One of the funniest movies I have ever seen. Real talk.
  7. @RiFFRaFF_SODMG Where can I cop "Neato"? Shit bangs.
  8. The "misleading Ashton Kutcher Nikon Commercial" defense should be a legitimate angle for a defense attorney in a stalking case.
  9. Stop saying you "found yourself" doing something. You made a choice. Live with it.
  10. You don't want a mold of a celebrity's dick, you want a mold of his credit card.
  11. I was hanging out with a couple women that I trust recently. It was a good trip to the cemetery.
  12. My boss makes me follow black people around the store, but only so I can learn how to walk cool.
  13. Farting is good for the soul.
  14. If you're a girl in a bar wearing a tiara, I know not to treat you like royalty.
  15. @aaronnemo Bless your heart.
  16. "Punk bitchass Capulets be sweatin a muhfucka." -Romeo and Juliet
  17. If you're a girl with dreadlocks and you still smell good be proud of yourself.