PMjsGiantSquid
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A tiara should not be worn to a treasured adversary's funeral unless this has been agreed upon in advance with the departed *and* bereaved.
about 5 hours ago
from Twidget
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One should not be overly litigious with one's family during this Holy Day: Dessert should be served prior to a subpoena and followed by tea.
1:18 PM Nov 26th
from web
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Enjoy my "classic" Thanks-to-Giving Day columns () and my latest advice column:
1:00 PM Nov 26th
from web
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Although somewhat out of fashion, white linen gloves are still appropriate when manually masturbating a boar for recreation or commerce.
2:04 PM Nov 25th
from Twidget
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When presenting your calling or business card, it is considered gauche to attach a gratuity of currency or freshly harvested organ meats.
3:09 PM Nov 24th
from Twidget
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Refrain from feeding the homeless, as it causes them to flock out of season, leaving them more vulnerable to hunters.
6:04 PM Nov 23rd
from Twidget
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Dear Readers and Fellow Twitterati: Please consider entering my current essay contest for the CASH PRIZE!
7:57 AM Nov 23rd
from Twidget
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As a matter of course, one should avoid "ordering a steak rare in China" (this is not a euphemism, despite the scare quotes).
10:52 AM Nov 22nd
from Twidget
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Never spit meat at a virgin (strictly speaking, this is more a matter of personal safety than etiquette).
5:01 AM Nov 21st
from Twidget
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Please enjoy my latest column, on incarceration and its probability:
4:42 AM Nov 21st
from Twidget
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When discussing cannibalism, it is customary to complete your observations by cocking the eyebrow, asking, "Ladies, am I right?" and winking
12:50 PM Nov 20th
from Twidget
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Refrain from pouring saltwater onto a mechanical baby, unless it is wooden, plastic, terra cotta, or covered by a full-service warranty.
11:49 AM Nov 19th
from Twidget
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If you inadvertently kiss a former Republican vice presidential candidate upon the lips, apologize and CONSULT AN IMMUNOLOGIST IMMEDIATELY!
4:12 PM Nov 18th
from Twidget
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When purchasing a pig from an Englishman, do not look in its mouth or anus, nor in the pig's mouth or anus; you will seem distrustful.
2:08 PM Nov 17th
from Twidget
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Refrain from wearing stiletto heels with vestments until Memorial Day (except in the Southern Hemisphere, due to the Coriolis Effect).
12:27 PM Nov 16th
from Twidget
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It is not proper for a gentleman to remove his hat or gloves at any time while being devoured by snakes unless he is in a house of worship.
8:14 AM Nov 15th
from Twidget
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While hooting is customary when a woman removes her blouse, it is not mandatory between Labor Day and Christ's Mass (observed).
10:58 AM Nov 13th
from Twidget
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When stealing fine silver flatware from a person of quality, it is customary to begin with the outermost fork and work plate-ward.
6:41 AM Nov 12th
from web
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Squid-o-nauts: Please enjoy my most recent and instructive column:
6:36 AM Nov 12th
from Twidget
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In a personal advertisement it is permissible to lie regarding weight, marital status, gender, and age; do not fudge your volume or "peeves"
12:27 PM Nov 11th
from Twidget
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- Name the Giant Squid
- Location Detroit
- Web http://www.squid....
- Bio Poor Mojo's Giant Squid lives in Detroit, Michigan where he manages a lab, writes an advice column, and offers daily etiquette tips.
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