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PFCain

  1. $1.26 billion worth of pot seized in California. Hopefully they'll sell it to help pay for such a useless operation.
  2. I don't hate all politicians. I only hate those I see on TV, hear on the radio, and read about in the paper.
  3. Diarrhea. The bad kind. It's what I've got right now. Like somebody turning on a dirty faucet every time I squat.
  4. Brock Lesnar is what Hitler had in mind.
  5. Finally, a sequel is in the works for the Sega Genesis classic Michael Jackson's Moonwalker... Michael Jackson's Heartstopper.
  6. I would like to start the bidding on Michael Jackson's half of the publishing rights for the Beatles song catalog at $10.
  7. The cover of this month's Backpacker has "Your Lightest Load Ever" in big, bold print. Good thing it's not Men's Health.
  8. Joe Jackson looks like the bad guy in Jim Carrey's The Mask when he's got the mask on.
  9. The King of Sidekicks, the King of Pop and now the King of Infomercials. Which king will be next? Jimmy Dean, King of Sausage?
  10. Tweets about Iran < tweets about MJ. This can only mean one thing: Michael Jackson's death is the result of a fixed election.
  11. How long until people start seeing Michael Jackson in places like a Denny's off of I-45 in Texas?
  12. Daryl Hannah was arrested for protesting a mountaintop removal in West Viriginia. Doesn't that sentence look like Mad Libs?
  13. Oh, and Jon & Kate are killed during the kidnapping. That way I won't have to see them on TV anymore, either.
  14. I hope some rich Saudi prince kidnaps Jon & Kate's "Plus 8" so I'll never have to hear about those damn kids in the future.
  15. Perez Hilton is bitching more about getting punched. I'm just pissed Will.i.am didn't have the balls to do it himself. Grow a pair, faggot!
  16. I hope some of the more level-headed members of PETA are discovering how fucking stupid their organization is.
  17. #goodpussy doesn't look like a sandwich at Arby's.
  18. #inaperfectworld I wouldn't get the shit kicked out of me by a guy in a bar after calling his girlfriend a dumb cunt.
  19. @joerogandotnet FYI: Trying to register for your message board and it keeps giving a database error. Tried in Firefox, IE and Chrome.
  20. Sent a drunken e-mail to a friend the other day. I misspelled more words than an Iranian tweeting under gunfire. #IranElection