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Ovidus

A few minutes watching Sainsburys self service tills will shatter anyone's delusion that humans are the supreme species on the planet. 6:33 AM Dec 22nd from UberTwitter
Enjoying the gravelly twang with which this nascent cold has endowed my voice. 3:41 AM Dec 21st from UberTwitter
@Kubrick39 I'm pretty sure u dissed 5 specifically. It's last before reelection so cramming in all crises the forgot to in the first four. 10:01 AM Dec 20th from UberTwitter in reply to Kubrick39
@samblackledge with the actual hands of an obliging grisly. Such is the persuasive power of S&B reporters. 9:58 AM Dec 20th from UberTwitter in reply to samblackledge
Female housemates keep leaving bathroom window open. Discriminating against those of us who unfortunately have genitals outside our body. 6:01 AM Dec 20th from UberTwitter
@Kubrick39 oh I also disagree with your disparaging views on West Wing series 5. Just started watching it again. Enjoying it more than 4. 5:57 AM Dec 20th from UberTwitter in reply to Kubrick39
@Kubrick39 he just darted out of the car and started frantically scraping. By the time I realised all I could was be vaguely amused. 5:54 AM Dec 20th from UberTwitter in reply to Kubrick39
Helping my landlord make some extra cash by freezing my proverbials off. 3:09 AM Dec 20th from UberTwitter
Just watched a new trainee reporter scrape ice off a windscreen with his bear hands to get to court on time. 2:13 AM Dec 18th from UberTwitter
Nearly broke my neck trying to go for a jog on the sheet ice that used to be the streets outside my house. 12:49 PM Dec 17th from UberTwitter
Got bollocked by fire officer for laughing at man who impaled his foot. Tried to explained it was because it reminded me of Alan Partridge. 1:05 AM Dec 16th from UberTwitter
Having one of those mornings where I'm ineffably grateful that caffeine comes in hot liquid form. 10:30 PM Dec 15th from UberTwitter
Just been entertaining my colleague's a three-year-old daughter until her inevitable sugar crash. 12:13 PM Dec 14th from UberTwitter
Come back from a fortnight break to walk into a blizzard of emails and messages as well as an avalanche of PR Xmas guff. 2:19 AM Dec 14th from UberTwitter
Another example of our arsebackwards libel laws RT @The_MediaBlog: Tiger Woods injunction leaves editors teed off http://tinyurl.com/yepw8ld 2:28 PM Dec 13th from UberTwitter
Wake me up when all the #xfactor tweeting has stopped. Watched it once, made me want to stick my head in a wood chipper. 1:29 PM Dec 13th from web
Just wasted 30mins of my dwindling existence on this planet trying to explain the entire British political system to a 16-year-old. 8:21 AM Dec 13th from UberTwitter
Is that the last Thick of It? Can't leave a series on a cliff hanger, got to be broadcast rules against it. 2:44 PM Dec 12th from UberTwitter
Riding on a puke smelling tube. Why can't Boris ban yaking up on confined trains, the real evil of broken Britain. 3:42 PM Dec 11th from UberTwitter
@Catronator is that made by Kraft? 5:16 PM Dec 10th from UberTwitter in reply to Catronator