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OuterJohn

  1. Ever wish you could go back to high school and reach out to that ONE loner? Then, once he trusts you, really wedgie the hell out of him? 14 minutes ago via web
  2. Why not liberate the petting zoo and turn that sissy "speedboat" into an ARK? about 3 hours ago via web
  3. @TweeterRater How many 4-star tweets does a guy need to make your lousy Top 10 list, is my question, Tweeter Rater. about 4 hours ago via web in reply to TweeterRater
  4. The worst part of a break up is when the continent-sized chunks hit Earth and destroy all life. about 5 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  5. @AaronFullerton @lanyardquirk @johnfreiler Hey, anyone know a REALLY BRAVE dentist?! (because sharks are known for their teeth, you see) about 6 hours ago via Twitter for Android in reply to AaronFullerton
  6. Instead of killing one like the boys, African girls "come of age" by putting a lion's mane in hair curlers. about 7 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  7. @iscoff YEP about 8 hours ago via Twitter for Android in reply to iscoff
  8. Instead of a scarecrow, purchase a big-eared, flying elephant. When the crows start singing about it, blast 'em. about 8 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  9. One dog, one cat, lots of genius. Go see @iscoff & @markleggett #FF about 9 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  10. I hear the final test for becoming a Master Pickpocket is to switch places with a baby kangaroo. about 12 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  11. They say the ground under Cloud City is littered with the corpses of those who asked Lando why he's wearing a shawl. about 21 hours ago via web
  12. Sure, Americans may joke it, but soccer is a *very* manly and thrilling sport, especially at the end when they join hands and sing goodbye. 12:46 PM May 30th via Twitter for Android
  13. Probably our scariest president was that pyramid with the big eye on top. 8:23 PM May 29th via web
  14. I hate when I'm rock climbing and I'm forced to cut loose an injured man. "But it's only a scraped knee!" I'M SORRY, BROTHER! GOODBYE! 10:05 AM May 29th via Twitter for Android
  15. "Well I am SO SORRY that new shoes aren't a 'good enough reason.' I guess Bat-Signal really means BAD FRIEND Signal." -Commissioner Gordon 10:08 PM May 28th via web
  16. Buried deep beneath the food pyramid is the recommended daily serving of a Pharoah's mummy. 12:05 PM May 28th via Twitter for Android
  17. Sometimes the quickest way to solve a murder mystery is to figure out which of the suspects was seen murdering the victim. 10:41 AM May 28th via web