OkeyTokey
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I messed with Texas once but I was really drunk.
5:43 PM Dec 30th, 2009
from Tweetie
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Someone invent this: a gas pump that doesn't offer me a car wash when it is raining.
5:26 PM Dec 30th, 2009
from Tweetie
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I trust Mexican food made by white people about as much as I trust Chinese food made by Mexicans.
5:29 PM Dec 28th, 2009
from Tweetie
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The opposite of depression is delusion.
5:28 PM Dec 14th, 2009
from Tweetie
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He: I never said you suck the MOST.
Me: I think that might be the closest you've ever come to complimenting me.
He: It wasn't intentional.
4:39 PM Dec 14th, 2009
from web
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Also, nexttime you're driving in the rain, put on Muse's 'Resistance' at full blast. Heavy on the bass, obviously.
4:55 PM Dec 12th, 2009
from Tweetie
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Apparently 23 is the age where it's no longer cute to make faces at the kids in other cars.
4:50 PM Dec 12th, 2009
from Tweetie
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Watching Batman vs Dracula. How is it possible that two dudes wearing capes haven't caught each other yet?
6:44 PM Dec 11th, 2009
from web
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I have to admit that there's a part of me that still wants Transformers for Christmas.
6:16 PM Dec 11th, 2009
from web
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Weed has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, which I guess is sometime around lunch.
1:08 AM Dec 11th, 2009
from Tweetie
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Listening to trance music in the shower. Idea: glowstick soap.
11:38 AM Nov 30th, 2009
from Tweetie
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@ Do those actually work? I keep seeing them at the dispensary but I've never actually bought one.
7:35 PM Nov 29th, 2009
from web
in reply to joerogandotnet
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When I'm drunk I tend to destroy many things in a short amount of time; When I'm stoned, I like to clean several things for hours on end.
9:34 PM Nov 18th, 2009
from web
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Listen, kids: Neck Tattoos can't be covered by a collar. Not even a bright orange, state-issued one.
3:31 AM Nov 15th, 2009
from web
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Not tweeting is the new tweeting. Tweeting about not tweeting being the new tweeting still not cool.
9:55 AM Nov 14th, 2009
from Tweetie
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Is the word 'bees' an onomatopoeia?
9:04 AM Oct 30th, 2009
from web
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The proliferation of smartphones has given the vast majority of people the obviously incorrect appearance of intelligence and competency.
6:00 PM Oct 27th, 2009
from web
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The man who invented the pizza cutter obviously never did dishes by hand.
Don't even get me started on you, Mr Cheese Grater Inventor.
8:32 PM Oct 22nd, 2009
from Tweetie
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If eating ice cream while pooping is wrong then I don't want to be right.
6:09 PM Oct 21st, 2009
from Tweetie
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Tangerine beef with shrimp-fried rice.Two delicious animals who never had knowledge of each other's existence have come together in my mouth
8:12 PM Oct 19th, 2009
from Tweetie
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- Name Huh?
- Bio It's always 4:20 somewhere.
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