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OkeyTokey

  1. I messed with Texas once but I was really drunk.
  2. Someone invent this: a gas pump that doesn't offer me a car wash when it is raining.
  3. I trust Mexican food made by white people about as much as I trust Chinese food made by Mexicans.
  4. The opposite of depression is delusion.
  5. He: I never said you suck the MOST. Me: I think that might be the closest you've ever come to complimenting me. He: It wasn't intentional.
  6. Also, nexttime you're driving in the rain, put on Muse's 'Resistance' at full blast. Heavy on the bass, obviously.
  7. Apparently 23 is the age where it's no longer cute to make faces at the kids in other cars.
  8. Watching Batman vs Dracula. How is it possible that two dudes wearing capes haven't caught each other yet?
  9. I have to admit that there's a part of me that still wants Transformers for Christmas.
  10. Weed has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, which I guess is sometime around lunch.
  11. Listening to trance music in the shower. Idea: glowstick soap.
  12. @joerogandotnet Do those actually work? I keep seeing them at the dispensary but I've never actually bought one.
  13. When I'm drunk I tend to destroy many things in a short amount of time; When I'm stoned, I like to clean several things for hours on end.
  14. Listen, kids: Neck Tattoos can't be covered by a collar. Not even a bright orange, state-issued one.
  15. Not tweeting is the new tweeting. Tweeting about not tweeting being the new tweeting still not cool.
  16. Is the word 'bees' an onomatopoeia?
  17. The proliferation of smartphones has given the vast majority of people the obviously incorrect appearance of intelligence and competency.
  18. The man who invented the pizza cutter obviously never did dishes by hand. Don't even get me started on you, Mr Cheese Grater Inventor.
  19. If eating ice cream while pooping is wrong then I don't want to be right.
  20. Tangerine beef with shrimp-fried rice.Two delicious animals who never had knowledge of each other's existence have come together in my mouth