OhJeff
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Some days I miss crime scene cleaning...
10:32 AM Mar 8th
via web
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Oh wait... I'm pretty sure I once ate beef jerky out of the trash...
#'Merica
10:53 AM Mar 6th
via web
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Went to BBQ place for lunch yesterday, on way home stopped and had fried chicken. Most shameful fat thing I've probably ever done. 'Merica!
10:52 AM Mar 6th
via web
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Rioting over poor conditions? You realize Sim City predicted this like 20 years ago.
10:52 AM Oct 14th, 2011
via web
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Also, I'm still naked.
4:18 PM Aug 22nd, 2011
via web
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I just got caught acting like a person in a Pringles commercial by my neighbor, i.e. drumming w/ Pringles can, making a chip duckface, etc.
4:17 PM Aug 22nd, 2011
via web
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Sometimes, when lying naked in my house on humid afternoons, I have thoughts that I am a God. Also, did I mention that I am drunk?
3:19 PM Aug 22nd, 2011
via web
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Kids nerf fight cartoon anime movie (Video) : theCHIVE
12:59 PM Jun 15th, 2011
via Tweet Button
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If you murder someone today, stash the body, lay out a pair of their clothes on the lawn, and tell cops that they were the only one taken.
10:18 AM May 22nd, 2011
via web
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Ahh, cigars.
12:14 AM May 10th, 2011
via web
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Do you think jocks watch "Revenge of the Nerds" like a horror film?
10:38 AM Mar 24th, 2011
via web
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A fan wrote me today and mentioned how I looked like John Wayne Gacy on my website (and twitpic). She said she hoped I was harmless. Cough.
11:03 AM Feb 4th, 2011
via web
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Wow, since people keep randomly adding me (and dropping me), I feel compelled to post something.
11:01 AM Feb 4th, 2011
via web
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Don't solicitors understand that I like sitting around the house in my underwear?! I'm not getting dressed up all fancy for them.
12:37 PM Jan 8th, 2011
via web
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Rule for a literary feud #89: No dirty, stinkin' commies are allowed to feud! (This rule was instituted at the height of McCarthyism)
12:35 PM Jan 8th, 2011
via web
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Rule for a literary feud: 202: When you are done feuding, you must make it incredibly clear to your opponent by saying, "The End."
11:25 AM Jan 6th, 2011
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Rule for a literary feud #43: Anyone caught using hyperbole in their feud shall be cut into a million pieces and fired into the sun.
11:23 AM Jan 6th, 2011
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Rule for a literary feud #28: If you can use the lyrics of a Pantera song in your feuding, it counts as a "double burn."
1:43 AM Jan 5th, 2011
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Rule for a literary feud #994: Rule #993 is more of a motivational bylaw than an actual rule. Suspend as necessary.
1:36 AM Jan 5th, 2011
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Rule for a literary feud #993: There are no rules!
1:34 AM Jan 5th, 2011
via web
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