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OhJeff

  1. Some days I miss crime scene cleaning...
  2. Oh wait... I'm pretty sure I once ate beef jerky out of the trash... #'Merica
  3. Went to BBQ place for lunch yesterday, on way home stopped and had fried chicken. Most shameful fat thing I've probably ever done. 'Merica!
  4. Rioting over poor conditions? You realize Sim City predicted this like 20 years ago.
  5. Also, I'm still naked.
  6. I just got caught acting like a person in a Pringles commercial by my neighbor, i.e. drumming w/ Pringles can, making a chip duckface, etc.
  7. Sometimes, when lying naked in my house on humid afternoons, I have thoughts that I am a God. Also, did I mention that I am drunk?
  8. Kids nerf fight cartoon anime movie (Video) : theCHIVE thechive.com/2011/06/15/the…
  9. If you murder someone today, stash the body, lay out a pair of their clothes on the lawn, and tell cops that they were the only one taken.
  10. Ahh, cigars.
  11. Do you think jocks watch "Revenge of the Nerds" like a horror film?
  12. A fan wrote me today and mentioned how I looked like John Wayne Gacy on my website (and twitpic). She said she hoped I was harmless. Cough.
  13. Wow, since people keep randomly adding me (and dropping me), I feel compelled to post something.
  14. Don't solicitors understand that I like sitting around the house in my underwear?! I'm not getting dressed up all fancy for them.
  15. Rule for a literary feud #89: No dirty, stinkin' commies are allowed to feud! (This rule was instituted at the height of McCarthyism)
  16. Rule for a literary feud: 202: When you are done feuding, you must make it incredibly clear to your opponent by saying, "The End."
  17. Rule for a literary feud #43: Anyone caught using hyperbole in their feud shall be cut into a million pieces and fired into the sun.
  18. Rule for a literary feud #28: If you can use the lyrics of a Pantera song in your feuding, it counts as a "double burn."
  19. Rule for a literary feud #994: Rule #993 is more of a motivational bylaw than an actual rule. Suspend as necessary.
  20. Rule for a literary feud #993: There are no rules!