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Ireland
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United States
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NotNickSametz

  1. The one good thing about my girlfriend being away is I don't have to look good for anybody!
  2. There's an M&M's store in NYC!!?? Why am I now learning this?
  3. Having a girl I like talk about how great her new boyfriend is, is my version of cutting myself.
  4. Some drunk asshole pissed my bed last night.
  5. How do you pluralise "Status"? Stati?
  6. Driving around the Muskoka lakes and I'm smelling weeeed!! Oh wait, that's me.
  7. Coconut water is what I'd imagine Donovan Bailey's sperm tastes like.
  8. Can't get the fresh sheets to fit on my bed so I hope I can get a hotel room this late in the day.
  9. Why can't they ever perfect the technology of a hands-free sink?
  10. If I ever had to change the name of my band, I'd change it to Xoma (Coma) because I like fucking around with x's.
  11. Going from red bean ice cream to the mango ice cream is like walking from the men's washroom to the women's washroom. #atthesushibar
  12. Is that your phone vibrating or mine? Oh it's not mine. IT'S NEVER MINE.
  13. Phone just auto corrected "tease" to "read" because I totally meant to call her a cockread.
  14. Chanel is a little too relaxed. via.me/-1c1ezm6
  15. Driving through the rich area of Oakville pointing out the houses for sale like I can actually afford one is my window shopping.
  16. Walked into a school office with a plate of maple fudge sitting on the counter. I wasn't offered one and now I have to burn the place down.