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NotJayCutler

  1. I hate when my Mom keeps calling when I'm trying to beat-off to porn on my iPhone.
  2. My breakfast of champions is six eggs, two pounds of bacon, a shot of Patron, and two morning after pills. You can never be too safe.
  3. I like to get up in the morning and go for a long run. Usually because I woke up in some ugly bitch's bed.
  4. There's nothing worse than beating off after eating hot wings.
  5. @adam_schefter Am I playing this week? Urlacher wants to go to the Hatebreed show in Milwaukee on Saturday and we don't want to drive back.
  6. Truth is, I can chug a 40 faster than @richeisen could run a 40.
  7. Every Thanksgiving my family volunteers in a soup kitchen. And every year I piss in the soup.
  8. I don't really have any Thanksgiving plans. Just gonna hope that I don't get bombed on Mad Dog and stick my dick in the turkey again.
  9. Why are girls so opposed to walking home in the morning? That jizz ain't gonna sweat itself out.
  10. Can't decide how to wear my hat; foward (brim to the left) or backward (brim to the right).
  11. Vince Young and I have a lot in common. We both replaced alcoholics and we love white women.
  12. @sobeditor I know you're joking because nobody on the Bears offense blocks.
  13. Maybe I should tell people I'm going to kill myself. Seems to be working fine for Vince Young.
  14. Patrick Mannelly suggested I go out and bang a fat chick to break out of this funk. OK, but I'm not licking her butthole.
  15. I'm pretty bummed about all this criticism. I don't even have the desire to go to Hooters tonight.
  16. Coach Lovie wants to hit up a showing of New Moon tonight. He thinks we might find a new offensive line in the audience.
  17. People in Chicago are awesome. Everywhere I go they remind me that I'm number one.
  18. @joshua_newsome That's a great question. My two favorite things about Vandy were 1) banging sluts and 2) never calling them again.
  19. @notmikedunleavy: You lay out my clothes better than my mom.
  20. We may have lost last night, but nothing's gonna stop me and Hunter from buying brand new Lucky Jeans!