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Nick_Nolte

I'm startin Memorial Day Weekend by stoppin to remember the wounded soldiers sittin all around my house. 3:42 PM May 25th via TweetCaster for iOS
Hot damn, this weekend really sandpapered my cornhole. Bartender, fix me a Metamucil vodka. 11:17 AM May 21st via Tweetie for Mac
Back in my college days, they called me The Human Breastpump. 10:53 AM May 21st via Tweetie for Mac
If anyone's interested, I got a great deal on a suitcase full of sea turtle eggs. A real steal. Only rule is, you can't ask how I got em. 5:39 PM May 19th via TweetCaster for iOS
Whoever left all this bread near the duck pond, I owe ya one. That was just what the doctor ordered. 6:40 PM May 18th via TweetCaster for iOS
In the old days, people used ta tar n feather tax collectors. Nowdays, ya pistol whip one meter maid n everyone gets their panties in a wad. 9:00 AM May 18th via TweetCaster for iOS
I been doing this "paleo diet" stuff for years. That's where you eat roadkill and shit in the woods, right? 3:39 PM May 17th via Tweetie for Mac
Dizzy this morning. Woke up inside a cement mixer again. 7:57 AM May 17th via TweetCaster for iOS
Mother's Day is a good reminder of the time @NotGaryBusey tattooed "MOM" on me when I was passed out. 4:38 PM May 13th via Tweetie for Mac
Cookin up a speedball while I pour out a quart a High Life. About to chase some raccoons off her grave. Miss ya, ma. 4:12 PM May 13th via TweetCaster for iOS
Remembering my mom on this Mother's Day. She made me my first gook ear necklace when I was ten. RIP. 4:05 PM May 13th via TweetCaster for iOS
I just birthed a dump so big it wished me happy mother's day. 3:11 PM May 13th via TweetCaster for iOS
One time I got so high I thought I could digest glass and metal. I was half right. 2:23 PM May 11th via TweetCaster for iOS
Aw, hell, Carroll Shelby died? Inventor of the Shelby Cobra. That's a shame. I got bit by a cobra once. 1:00 PM May 11th via Tweetie for Mac
What are you lookin' at? Hell, these people act like they never seen a man yell racial slurs at his pet raccoon before. 9:10 AM May 11th via Tweetie for Mac
You're never too old to pass out in a Burger King crown. 7:28 PM May 10th via TweetCaster for iOS
Found a possum in my garage with a chicken bucket stuck on his head, stumbling around all dizzy from paint fumes. Shit, man, I been there. 4:15 PM May 10th via Tweetie for Mac
On Gangster Squad there was a blond fella, real polite. Always callin' me Mr. "Mr. Nolte, wake up." "Mr. Nolte, stop doin heroine," he'd say 3:32 PM May 10th via Tweetie for Mac
Shit yeah, I remember makin' Gangster Squad. That's the thing with the horses, right? 5:36 PM May 9th via TweetCaster for iOS
I tried out for The Voice once, but instead a singin', I just told a sad story about a pet armadillo that died. 11:32 AM May 9th via Tweetie for Mac

Name Nick Nolte's Mugshot
Location A catatonic state
Bio Aw hell, sugar, I ain't affiliated with the actor Nick Nolte. I'm only a fictional entity based on his mugshot. Whatever the shit that means. (*spits*)