Nick_Nolte
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I'm startin Memorial Day Weekend by stoppin to remember the wounded soldiers sittin all around my house.
3:42 PM May 25th
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Hot damn, this weekend really sandpapered my cornhole. Bartender, fix me a Metamucil vodka.
11:17 AM May 21st
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Back in my college days, they called me The Human Breastpump.
10:53 AM May 21st
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If anyone's interested, I got a great deal on a suitcase full of sea turtle eggs. A real steal. Only rule is, you can't ask how I got em.
5:39 PM May 19th
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Whoever left all this bread near the duck pond, I owe ya one. That was just what the doctor ordered.
6:40 PM May 18th
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In the old days, people used ta tar n feather tax collectors. Nowdays, ya pistol whip one meter maid n everyone gets their panties in a wad.
9:00 AM May 18th
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I been doing this "paleo diet" stuff for years. That's where you eat roadkill and shit in the woods, right?
3:39 PM May 17th
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Dizzy this morning. Woke up inside a cement mixer again.
7:57 AM May 17th
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Mother's Day is a good reminder of the time @ tattooed "MOM" on me when I was passed out.
4:38 PM May 13th
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Cookin up a speedball while I pour out a quart a High Life. About to chase some raccoons off her grave. Miss ya, ma.
4:12 PM May 13th
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Remembering my mom on this Mother's Day. She made me my first gook ear necklace when I was ten. RIP.
4:05 PM May 13th
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I just birthed a dump so big it wished me happy mother's day.
3:11 PM May 13th
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One time I got so high I thought I could digest glass and metal. I was half right.
2:23 PM May 11th
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Aw, hell, Carroll Shelby died? Inventor of the Shelby Cobra. That's a shame. I got bit by a cobra once.
1:00 PM May 11th
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What are you lookin' at? Hell, these people act like they never seen a man yell racial slurs at his pet raccoon before.
9:10 AM May 11th
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You're never too old to pass out in a Burger King crown.
7:28 PM May 10th
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Found a possum in my garage with a chicken bucket stuck on his head, stumbling around all dizzy from paint fumes. Shit, man, I been there.
4:15 PM May 10th
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On Gangster Squad there was a blond fella, real polite. Always callin' me Mr. "Mr. Nolte, wake up." "Mr. Nolte, stop doin heroine," he'd say
3:32 PM May 10th
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Shit yeah, I remember makin' Gangster Squad. That's the thing with the horses, right?
5:36 PM May 9th
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I tried out for The Voice once, but instead a singin', I just told a sad story about a pet armadillo that died.
11:32 AM May 9th
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- Name Nick Nolte's Mugshot
- Location A catatonic state
- Bio Aw hell, sugar, I ain't affiliated with the actor Nick Nolte. I'm only a fictional entity based on his mugshot. Whatever the shit that means. (*spits*)
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