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Nick_Nolte

  1. Aw hell, I think I swallowed one a them Salvation Army bells. The noise is killin my hangover.
  2. Son of a bitch kids! Stay away from Nolte's computer! I was just restin my eyes! Where am I?
  3. You ask me, it don't get much better than a bum wearing 3-D glasses.
  4. Havin a tall glass a bourbon with a couple valiums crushed up in it. It's what I like to call a liquid nap.
  5. Look, officer, I know I ain't a stranger to machetes & taco thievery, but it weren't me. It was probably @garyjbusey http://is.gd/4ZM2j
  6. They say dogs are man's best friend, but Tapatio's gotta be a close second.
  7. Call me old fashioned, but I reckon a man shouldn't wear jewelry unless it's made outta snake parts.
  8. Other night I went out drinkin' with Lou Holtz. Couldn't understand a word he said. That guy slurs worse than I do.
  9. Tell ya what, two things that should never go together are grain alcohol and open manholes.
  10. What has one thumb and likes blow jobs? My buddy Chet, he lost his left arm in a lathe accident.
  11. Gather round, kiddies, let uncle Nick teach ya how to cook up a speedball.
  12. Hot damn, Friday night. Think I'm gonna pop a couple dilaudid and watch @garyjbusey chase my laser pointer around the wall.
  13. If it's karaoke you're after, I reckon ya can't go wrong with the Doobie Brothers.
  14. One time at a saloon down in Mexicali, Lou Dobbs challenged me to a hollerin contest. He dint win, but he earned my respect.
  15. Happy Veterans Day. I'm gonna celebrate by havin' a whiskey and complainin' loudly about the Japs.
  16. Mine smells like formaldehyde and Doritos. #celebrityperfumes
  17. Listen here, TV, if I got an erection that lasts more'n four hours, it ain't gonna be a doctor I call.
  18. Them dolphins got nothin on Ol' Nolte when it comes to roughin up porpoises. It ain't something I'm proud of. http://is.gd/4R730
  19. I reckon Hallin' Oats would be a pretty bitchin name for a horse.
  20. Ol @garyjbusey talks a good game, but push comes to shove, I got track marks tougher'n that guy.