RT if you're fingering.

Guess who left their hoodie at great clips. #gladitsmellslikegarlicfarts!!

Bill Maher said we understand God the way our dogs understand us. I just went up to my dog, singing 'All About the Benjamins'...he's screwed

When I read all these tweets, it's pretty clear to me who has won state and who hasn't. #uniqueclub

Friends? It's my new song and it's about space and stuff! #52songs #newt #moonbase #rudeboy Moon Base soundcloud.com/sean-parrott/m… on #SoundCloud

Succulent Salmonella vs. Blazin' Botulism? || RT “@McDonalds: Today is the big day! Flavor Battle is going down in Miami! #flavorbattle”

Because really, jobs, economy, education, etc not important. What's IMPORTANT is making sure NO ONE has sex unless they intend to procreate

RT @GaryIsYou: I will not rest until mannequins are as ugly as we are.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but nerds can never hurt me. I still have a flip phone. 12 years ago, I was 30.

Just spent 3 hours recording 3 minutes of a podcast. Funnoying!

Is there a name for when you get a crush on someone's tweets? Twitterpated? Stalking?

My new song, "Moonbase," will be up tomorrow. Until then, get caught up on the rest at soundcloud.com/sean-parrott #52songs

I think I'll start that tomorrow. #iSayThatAlot

Has anyone photoshopped Newt Gingrich as Jabba the Hut with Romney frozen in carbonite? If not, someone should.

If don't believe woman has right to enjoy sex w/o goal of procreating, good4u. If need me, I’m off trying 2 have sex w/o goal of procreating

Take a look at my open heart collection. -- Jane Seymour as a serial killer

My teeth ain't real, but my rhymes are. Can somebody give me a ride? I don't have a car.

RT @CubanBrouse: If I was a prizefighter, my memoirs would be titled, "The Life of a Boxer is Brief"

RT @emilyvolman: I just took an online "What kind of loner are you" Teen Quiz & I am the "Lady, at your age, it's just called sad" kind.

My new favorite show is My 600 Pound Life. That's how I'm gonna find a 600 pound wife.