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MrLemonDrizzle

@TwopTwips COPE with the gloomy weather forecast for Jubilee weekend by not giving the tiniest little shit about any of it. about 6 hours ago via web
@jasonhook @MrWheeliebin I believe a meeting of queefs is called a quonference #quonf 6:30 AM May 31st via web in reply to jasonhook
...ah, early indications are that it isn't going to be anything *nice*... #quonf 6:09 AM May 31st via web
Just been called a 'quonf'. The internet says this is not a word. Golden chance to invent a meaning. Suggestions welcome. #quonf 6:01 AM May 31st via web
@jgramuk She did indeed, and yes Geoff is a nice bloke. Bit of a tough crowd for everybody that night, but a lot of talent on the bill... 5:52 AM May 31st via web in reply to jgramuk
@jgramuk OK. no more or less. Sadly, Tiptree gig cancelled. 5:39 AM May 31st via web in reply to jgramuk
@jgramuk career career, or comedy career? 12:55 AM May 31st via web in reply to jgramuk
@BenedictFarse ...and get your born name by remembering the name you were given when born. 8:27 AM May 30th via web in reply to BenedictFarse
Tonight: Oxfringe 5:17 AM May 30th via Twitter for Android
@neviepiecakes Oreo. OREO. With an 'e' 7:45 AM May 29th via web in reply to neviepiecakes
@nemo20000 Lego beat you to it: lego.wikia.com/wiki/8029_Mini… 12:39 PM May 28th via web in reply to nemo20000
@nemo20000 It was, once. 8:57 AM May 28th via web in reply to nemo20000
@neviepiecakes Brrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiinssssssss....... 8:56 AM May 28th via web in reply to neviepiecakes
@nemo20000 Oh, I meant to say: I set fire to your happy place a while back. You should avoid the area. And the water's undrinkable now... 8:56 AM May 28th via web in reply to nemo20000
Tomorrow night I'll be performing in Highbury for @HJcomedy: bit.ly/JIm0dW . Heard great things about them, so looking forward to it! 7:13 AM May 28th via web
@BenedictFarse And when they were up, they were UP.. 3:59 AM May 27th via web in reply to BenedictFarse
@BeardyGit I know. So when I do it, it just irritates the wife... 3:58 AM May 27th via web in reply to BeardyGit
It's a lovely warm day - ideal for setting your ringtone to the sound of an ice cream van to annoy the parents of small children. 1:52 AM May 26th via Twitter for Android
@jgramuk Yes please! 8:53 AM May 25th via web in reply to jgramuk
Have invented a steam-powered dinosaur who can represent our trade interests with other nations. It's very diplo-matic. 3:36 AM May 25th via web

Name Paul-David Collins
Location Sulking up in the loft
Web http://www.paulda...
Bio Husband. Father. Pessimist. Does a bit of stand-up, mostly about being a husband, father and pessimist. Tried optimism briefly in 2002. Didn't like it.