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MrBigFists

  1. I tried to strike up conversation at the bus stop today. I was shocked to find others don't share your enthusiasm for tales from the toilet. about 2 hours ago from web
  2. I didn't sleep well last night. Maybe it was the late meal but most likely it was the hobo that I shared the dumpster with who kept snoring. about 4 hours ago from web
  3. I've made it my life's pursuit to do everything that my father wouldn't do. Wearing men's underwear is just the beginning. about 15 hours ago from mobile web
  4. Given how rude the French are considered, I suspect sticking your tongue out at someone kissing you is supposed to be a bad thing. about 15 hours ago from mobile web
  5. Why is it that when my wife reads a book, it ends up changing MY life? This time she cut dairy, beef, and a desire to eat from my diet. about 17 hours ago from web
  6. @hotdogsladies Did he have a license plate frame that said "I GOT SHORT GAME"? about 18 hours ago from web in reply to hotdogsladies
  7. @davio1962 @davio1962 I like it. Nanna Ninja. A master of doily stars and Ninja knitting needles. about 18 hours ago from web in reply to davio1962
  8. @Just_Alison Could you pick up an autographed gerbil from Richard Gere for me? about 18 hours ago from web in reply to Just_Alison
  9. @gordonshumway And saran wrap sounds like an item in Lady GaGa's closet. about 18 hours ago from web in reply to gordonshumway
  10. I agree with the complaints against ABC. They should have cut to a "Desperate Housewives" commercial. MY GOD, CHILDREN WERE WATCHING! about 19 hours ago from web
  11. I have been tasked with bringing the cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving dinner this year. Is it 1 part cranberry juice, 2 parts vodka? about 20 hours ago from web
  12. I see you are confused. Totally my fault. I should not have used words with more than 2 syllables. I a-pol-o-gize. That means "I'm sorry." 8:25 AM Nov 24th from web
  13. When a rooster is filling out a tax return, I wonder if he can count his chickens as exemptions before they hatch. 7:13 AM Nov 24th from web
  14. "Have you seen the coffee donation jar?" Ever or recently? "Um... Recently?" No. I have not recently spent... I mean seen the jar. 6:48 AM Nov 24th from web
  15. My neighbor just walked in on me in the bathroom. AWKWARD. But well timed because I needed to know where she keeps her extra toilet paper. 6:16 AM Nov 24th from web
  16. I attached a vibrating bed to the Clapper so now I can clap my hands for instant relaxation. Activates during spankings too... I imagine. 5:03 PM Nov 23rd from web
  17. I wish I had a super power where I could will the clasp of a bra to open. I'm just not flexible enough to reach that far behind my back. 4:01 PM Nov 23rd from web
  18. Cute doll. "It's not a doll. It's an action figure." Keep playing with that doll and it'll be the only action you can figure on getting. 1:36 PM Nov 23rd from web
  19. No. If I had a problem with you, you would be laying on the ground nursing a black eye. Ask one more time and I'll demonstrate it for you. 12:50 PM Nov 23rd from web
  20. You thought you'd beat the pants off me. Well jokes on you Timmy, I'm not wearing any. Now serve up the tetherball before the bell rings. 8:15 AM Nov 23rd from web