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MosheLehrer

  1. Hey @calphalon, I had a cooking accident, and now I have your logo branded on my left hand. Need a new spokesman? twitter.com/MosheLehrer/st…
  2. I love Dropbox because ... I'm sure there's a good reason. db.tt/Kf2OCMSd
  3. Prop 19, the ballot measure to legalize marijuana, didn't pass. It might have had a chance if supporters weren't too paranoid to vote.
  4. I think the best contraceptive is spending time with other people's kids. Or maybe condoms.
  5. What is it about movie theaters that play havoc with my bladder control?
  6. My head was a bird's toilet today.
  7. Half my tweets are missing! That makes me one pissed off twitterer.
  8. I'm just a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an all flour tortilla.
  9. I used the hot tub in my apartment complex. I was hoping to travel back into the 80's. I had to travel to a VD clinic instead. Not the same.
  10. Teething babies make me glad I can't lactate.
  11. Why do women have a monopoly on boy-shorts?
  12. Ladies, buying a tie as a gift for a man is the same as not buying any gift at all. Buying two ties for the same man maybe be an act of war.
  13. An infant pooped on me today, a big explosive blast, which got me thinking about the obvious question. Can infant poop be militarized?
  14. Coincidence department: sardine cans and the plane I'm on are both are made of metal, both smell really bad, and both have screaming babies.
  15. Life in new york; Today I saw a douchebag yelling into his bluetooth while a paranoid schitzophrenic yelled at nobody in particular.
  16. Things I can't do yet: Proficient parkour. Pilot a space shuttle built before 1973. Pee in a swimming pool (Don't ask me why. Just can't).
  17. Thoughts: I wonder if someone's intelligence is inversely proportinal to the amount of reality shows they watch. Also, Snooky is awesome.
  18. @llhargett, three is a big number for some people.
  19. Stuff about me you may not have known; I'm a deep and complex person. I'm like an Oreo cookie, I have lots of layers.
  20. Things I've thought; I'm in a bit of sex drought. It's been 24 years. No sex at all for 24 years. And I'm only 27. I was a slutty todler.