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MooeyTie

  1. @yodelmachine So you're using your fingers, then? 10 minutes ago from web in reply to yodelmachine
  2. This mall Christmas muzak can only end w/ me suffocating in a large Orange Julius. Or sitting through New Moon. Which will kill me quicker? about 2 hours ago from web
  3. Me: I really wish Abercrombie and Fitch would ask before they use pictures of me. God! Wife: ... Me: I'm hott. Wife: ... Me: Whatever. about 7 hours ago from txt
  4. Ugh. I think I just burped up Gary Coleman. about 8 hours ago from web
  5. I title this ride home "Driving like a douche to get to the house before the dog pees in her kennel and I have to clean it up." As urinally. about 9 hours ago from txt
  6. @seanhussey I expect that you're also driving at least 10mph under the posted limit. With a white dog in the backseat. Whippersnapper. about 11 hours ago from Seesmic in reply to seanhussey
  7. On a Holiday song likert scale running from Perry Como to Bob Geldof I'm already at Wham, and the turkey isn't even defrosted yet. about 12 hours ago from Seesmic
  8. "OMG! I forgot to put on mascara this morning! I think I need to call my mom!" 7:30am comes way too early when you work with teenagers. about 15 hours ago from Seesmic
  9. ASPARAGUS PEE!!!! 6:40 PM Nov 23rd from Brizzly
  10. @seanhussey Congratulations! 6:17 PM Nov 23rd from Brizzly in reply to seanhussey
  11. Friend's Euphemistic Facebook Updates, Episode 1: "Breathlessly awaiting my grandmother's one and only sausage stuffing! Bring it on, Gram!" 5:14 PM Nov 23rd from Brizzly
  12. @Remiel You think you're so mighty, mighty, lettin' it all hang out. 5:07 PM Nov 23rd from Brizzly in reply to Remiel
  13. *Phone Rings* Me:"Hello?" Father-in-Law:"Hey. Uh, we stopped by your house, & I plugged your toilet. You'll need a new plunger." Me:"....." 4:37 PM Nov 23rd from Brizzly
  14. @yhf @abigvictory Are you guys watching Howdy Doody again? 4:32 PM Nov 23rd from Brizzly in reply to yhf
  15. I just...don't know how much more I have to give you people HA HA J/K LOLZzz!11 1:58 PM Nov 23rd from mobile web
  16. I bet it'd be funny if I burped in an envelope & sent it to someone w/ a letter saying "Enjoy a burp!" Then they'd know what the smell was. 1:16 PM Nov 23rd from web
  17. I will pay full travel expenses for anyone who can deliver a case of wine to my sister's house right now because whoa family. 3:43 PM Nov 22nd from txt
  18. @InSoOutSo Watching Willow again, are you? 9:07 AM Nov 22nd from web in reply to InSoOutSo
  19. Dammit! The arugula and feta cheese in this omelet made my eggs soggy. My day is ruined. #firstworldbreakfastproblems 9:06 AM Nov 22nd from web
  20. @jephkelley Happy Birphday! 5:05 PM Nov 21st from Brizzly