Momplex
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Was loving that one of my kids FINALLY has an imaginary friend until I learned it's a "boy-girl" named Hoho. Hermaphrodite Hoho scares me.
5:28 AM Mar 22nd
via web
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@ Mary Fiore (my mom) says you're the house concert queen. We hosted one last summer in our yard & want to try another. Ideas?
5:26 AM Mar 22nd
via web
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Dear pet-owners hellbent on equating your pets w/ kids: My kid will never clean her own butt as thoroughly as a dog/cat. You're just wrong.
1:24 PM Mar 12th
via web
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On my dad's heart transplant, the upside of rejection, and
6:26 AM Mar 8th
via web
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I nominate @ for a Shorty Award in because she never runs out of funny and is cheaper than Abilify.
10:08 AM Jan 14th
via Shorty Awards
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Guns and Gremlins: An Old-Fashioned @#$% Christmas:
6:36 PM Dec 26th, 2011
via web
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I get a great ab workout reading @ tweets. My sides hurt.
11:23 AM Nov 7th, 2011
via web
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Still messed up from daylight savings. There are chickens where my hands should be & my kitchen is filled with eels.
9:29 AM Nov 7th, 2011
via web
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Sometimes the village kind of of sucks.
11:10 PM Nov 5th, 2011
via web
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CSI raped my brain.
9:36 PM Oct 5th, 2011
via web
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My life as a Trojan commercial
11:35 AM Sep 27th, 2011
via web
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Love Prevails /via @
6:37 AM Sep 12th, 2011
via Tweet Button
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My Facebook news feed shows that many of my friends are actually motivational speakers and/or don't believe in quote attribution.
11:51 AM Sep 7th, 2011
via web
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Wanting to look for our beloved lost cat in the cornfield behind us, but I'm afeared I'll run into Malachi. Or Shoeless Joe. Equally creepy.
6:40 AM Sep 7th, 2011
via web
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The motherhood chapter in which key parties and sequins are finally discussed...
7:39 PM Sep 6th, 2011
via web
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Thank God black comedians are here to tell us how white people act, otherwise I wouldn't know what to do in social situations
1:35 AM Jun 4th, 2011
via Twitter for Android
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Time to parm the penis.
8:24 AM Nov 27th, 2010
via web
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@ I've recently run into a similar conundrum with my 13-year-old niece. What to do with all my f-bombs now?
8:23 AM Nov 27th, 2010
via web
in reply to annsrants
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@, thanks! :)
8:19 AM Nov 27th, 2010
via web
in reply to badmommymoments
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Roll it, smoke it, bake it in some brownies. It's my own personal 4:20...http://tinyurl.com/2c9fdqo
7:37 PM Oct 25th, 2010
via web
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