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Moe_Szyslak

  1. Woke up in a cold sweat this morning. Last time I east discarded food from a trash can. 2:35 PM Jul 2nd from web
  2. I got some bad food poisoning that I actually puked on a child. That'll teach him for being so god damn young! 12:26 PM May 6th from web
  3. The only drug I have ever done was LSD and no its not some cheeky reference to a hit television cartoon. It was the 60 I take. nothing back. 5:00 AM Apr 16th from web
  4. If god wanted me to be happy then he would have made it legal for minors to drink their faces off. 1:00 PM Apr 15th from web
  5. You know what hurts more than a kick to the groin? Two kick to the groin, by a nun you are trying to confide in. 12:55 PM Apr 15th from web
  6. A blind man screamed at me and called me sickening, unwholesome, and offensive to the scenes today... am I really THAT ugly? 9:40 AM Apr 9th from web
  7. @iybt09 Ya... A drink Called "one to many" 1 part tequila and 1/2 part cigarette ash 9:37 AM Apr 9th from web in reply to iybt
  8. lately, every dream I have involves a woman beating me with a bag of oranges... except for that one with Patrick Swayze and the baby oil... 9:33 AM Apr 9th from web
  9. @homersimpson taco burger 7:17 PM Apr 7th from web in reply to homersimpson
  10. Someone just threw up in my mouth... and I liked it. 9:21 PM Apr 6th from web
  11. I once went to Canada to get drunk. When I woke up I found myself inside a moose. Those Canadians.... 12:29 PM Apr 5th from web
  12. I went on a date last night... She ended up being a man... but it counts if you did not "know", right? 12:25 PM Apr 5th from web
  13. Serving kids is legal... if they think its water, juice or soda. 12:22 PM Apr 5th from web
  14. @daftapeth She better... I have her pill. and you know hold old people get without their pills don't you? 12:21 PM Apr 5th from web in reply to daftapeth
  15. Been really busy mopping up vomit and breaking up drunken fights... God I hate my life. 10:29 PM Apr 3rd from web
  16. Bartender Tip 7: Put your bar on a slight slant. if someone spills a beer, it will drain off! This will save on cleanup. 10:18 AM Mar 28th from web
  17. Bartender Tip 6: Vomit and other bodily fluids are much better absorbed by Sham-wow not Zorbees. http://tinyurl.com/shamzees 10:34 AM Mar 27th from web
  18. Drink: 1/2 shot vodka 1 shot pepto bismol. "Preparation" 10:27 AM Mar 27th from web
  19. Just sold me some baby pandas http://tinyurl.com/84ct7 ... Watch out IHOP, Daddy's eating like a king tonight! 10:17 AM Mar 27th from web
  20. I don't have friends. I have regulars. 10:02 AM Mar 27th from web