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MissAmbiguous

  1. Hanging in VA and I'm trying really hard not to say cawfee to the guy in 7-11. about 22 hours ago from web
  2. @kimberly627530 @iamyoushouldtoo @RkHJedi @CynicalNihilist @simplyanne Thanks for the #FFs! about 22 hours ago from web in reply to kimberly627530
  3. "MY GOD! What is that smell?" "I dunno, burnt cheese?" "OH! PUT THOSE SHOES BACK ON!" Conversation overheard. In my mind. 3:34 PM Nov 24th from web
  4. @abigvictory I know how you hate crowds, but I invited all your followers to a little celebration. We’re meeting in Times Square on 12/31. 9:40 AM Nov 24th from web
  5. As I step outside he asks "Do you have a light?" No, no I say. I don't smoke. I tweet. 6:28 AM Nov 24th from web
  6. I see your lips moving which means only one thing. I need sleep. Copy machines don’t have lips. 7:26 AM Nov 23rd from web
  7. I'd like to know which evil witch bestowed the "perky early riser" gift upon my child. Curses! 3:45 AM Nov 22nd from web
  8. Me eyelids are stuck together and the screen is too bright. Good morning Twitter. 3:35 AM Nov 22nd from web
  9. All of the women in this house are infected with the F1U1 virus and there is only one cure. Double fudge brownies. 5:16 PM Nov 20th from web
  10. Thanks!! @abqryan @eliotfellow @starrmommy824 @iamyoushouldtoo @simplyanne #FF 5:15 PM Nov 20th from web
  11. "Mommy, does Princess Peach have boobies?" Um, I guess so. "I like boobies." I know, Little Man. 3:24 PM Nov 20th from web
  12. I prayed to the Babysitting Gods to send my cousin over, but the lines must have been crossed and Aunt Flo came to visit instead. Bitch. 11:38 AM Nov 20th from web
  13. I realized that I can't be witty and creative at the same time. So I'm going with creative. Witty doesn't help pay the bills. 7:29 AM Nov 20th from web
  14. I just watched a guy on a bicycle follow behind a bus and make the same stops. Those training cutbacks are a bitch. 6:33 AM Nov 19th from web
  15. @thesearedays After loving a bag of peanut m&ms, my little "peanut hater" asked what was in the candy. I told him. He threw up. 6:30 AM Nov 19th from web in reply to thesearedays
  16. Though I called the babysitter, I get the feeling that I'm still doing "Mother's Little Helper" wrong. 2:12 PM Nov 18th from web
  17. Chewing on a straw may not cause cancer, but it will get you a punch in the face if you keep talking with one hanging out of your mouth. 10:21 AM Nov 18th from web
  18. Q: How do you tell a crazy former coworker he can't be in the football pool anymore? A: YOU DON'T and you're once again spared when he wins. 7:24 AM Nov 18th from web
  19. Great meeting. What did I learn? That the guy who makes the most money also had the lowest GPA in college. 11:56 AM Nov 16th from web
  20. Words I never ever want to hear/see in an email again: "Join us for a <insert product here> party." For the love of Tupperware, NO! 7:12 AM Nov 15th from web