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MattDalin

BorowitzReport It's weird that the candidate who was born in Kenya is the one who can spell America. about 2 hours ago via web Retweeted by MattDalin and 134 others
Who knew @KenJennings (the super smart dude from Jeopardy) was so damn funny? Follow him. about 4 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
KenJennings All analogies break down if taken too far, just like a car. Only there's no gas station & maybe the mechanic is an editor or logician & also about 6 hours ago via web Retweeted by MattDalin and 91 others
BillCorbett Takeaway from recent Siri commercials: movie stars are pathetic, very lonely, extremely dumb people. #PersonalBranding 7:40 AM May 28th via Echofon Retweeted by MattDalin and 43 others
neiltyson Odd that many who embrace the discoveries of science will disagree only when results conflict with their politics or religion 6:20 PM May 25th via TweetDeck Retweeted by MattDalin and 3738 others
AlbertBrooks When Facebook gets to $9 I'm in. 2:38 PM May 22nd via HootSuite Retweeted by MattDalin and 232 others
robdelaney Not well. I just tasered my daughter's cat as a joke & it died. RT @McDonalds: Morning! How's everyone's week going? 1:37 PM May 21st via Tweetbot for iOS Retweeted by MattDalin and 892 others
aaronpaul_8 Its official. July 15th Breaking Bad will be exploding your TV sets. 3:01 PM May 21st via Twitter for iPhone Retweeted by MattDalin and 3193 others
BorowitzReport BREAKING: NATO Announces Plan to Withdraw from Chicago 5:16 PM May 20th via web Retweeted by MattDalin and 125 others
mashable Love funny tweets? @RobDelaney picked this week's best - on.mash.to/LkqTKr 12:46 PM May 18th via SocialFlow Retweeted by MattDalin and 57 others
robdelaney I'd rather staple my penis to a burning log. RT @BattleshipMovie: Don’t miss @Rihanna in her big screen debut as weapons specialist Raikes! 12:46 PM May 19th via Tweetbot for iOS Retweeted by MattDalin and 1134 others
#Siri, how can I convince people that asking you supposedly clever questions in their status update isn't funny? 9:18 AM May 19th via Twitter for iPhone
AlbertBrooks Just informed Jesse Eisenberg that he gets nothing when Facebook goes public tomorrow. 6:21 PM May 17th via HootSuite Retweeted by MattDalin and 227 others
@JCcopywriter I wouldn't exactly call us "friends". 6:15 PM May 17th via Twitter for iPhone
HA! “@KenJennings: SO TIRED of pretending I like kale and Peter Dinklage's accent on Game of Thrones and my kids.” 6:11 PM May 17th via Twitter for iPhone
BorowitzReport Just a thought, but maybe the Greek economy would be better if they didn't smash their plates after every meal. 1:44 PM May 15th via web Retweeted by MattDalin and 225 others
BorowitzReport Inspired by Ron Paul, the New York Knicks just announced that they will not be winning the NBA championship. 3:21 PM May 15th via web Retweeted by MattDalin and 146 others
SPOILER ALERT: At the end of #Avengers, a bunch of stupid shit happens. 6:09 PM May 13th via Twitter for iPhone
There's something ironic about the fact that I hate watching #madmen on tv because of all the commercials. 7:16 PM Apr 29th via Twitter for iPhone
BorowitzReport It's starting to look like Ron Paul isn't going to win this thing. 5:19 AM Apr 29th via web Retweeted by MattDalin and 154 others