Maggie
Readers, I had no idea blowjobs were so divisive. In my world, blowjobs, they bring people together.
| Holy shit. Small city. Turns out Sherona was the stranger who was Twittering. Sherona is the nicest "stalker" in town. |
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| Tasting menu at the new neighborhood dessert bar. Stranger next to us just said, "Hold on, I'm Twittering." |
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| My computer died, so I bought a hot cocoa and pulled out a book. I love you, Wednesday. |
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| Wondering how old I'll be when I stop worrying about something grabbing my ankles when I'm getting into bed or my car at night. |
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| Forgot I wasn't home alone with sleeping baby. Was seconds away from peeing with the door open as the sitter looked on from the living room. |
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| Our trash cute smells _heavily_ of pot, and it's clogged. Did someone throw away an entire plant? I'm looking at you, upstairs neighbor. |
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| Just saw my second dog in a stroller in a week. Perfectly healthy dogs, dubiously healthy dog owners. |
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| whenever I go to the Mission, I feel like I've been roofied the next morning. |
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| Hank's latest trick is to pretend he's burping and then laugh uproariously. Thanks, Dad. |
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| That Stress Wall came out of nowhere. I think my nose is broken. |
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| Guy next to me is irritated about no available outlets. He's taking it personally, looming. I just now decided to settle in for a while. |
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| Neighbor? You are vomiting, shitting, copulating, birthing, moving furniture, or suffering withdrawal. Do you need a casserole or something? |
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| breakfast at the ramp reminda me of hangovers and dating poorly. Now we're off to buy lemons for lemonaide making. |
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| In the Marina, surrounded by girls wearing shirts as dresses. Also, that joke you made in the ladies room was not funny. |
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| The baby is transfixed by Katherine Heigl. Good taste, kid. |
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| Just absent mindedly left my computer on the coffee shop couch while I used the bathroom. Good thing I have my SS# written on it in sharpie. |
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| The baby bucked and split my lip. Also, I think he's stealing money from my purse. |
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| Disproportionally excited about the prospect of spending this evening at a Tiki bar. Nothing beats a 4-foot straw in a communal punch bowl. |
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| Aaaaand hives. Universe, you make me itch. |
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