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Maggie

Readers, I had no idea blowjobs were so divisive. In my world, blowjobs, they bring people together.

Holy shit. Small city. Turns out Sherona was the stranger who was Twittering. Sherona is the nicest "stalker" in town.
Tasting menu at the new neighborhood dessert bar. Stranger next to us just said, "Hold on, I'm Twittering."
My computer died, so I bought a hot cocoa and pulled out a book. I love you, Wednesday.
Wondering how old I'll be when I stop worrying about something grabbing my ankles when I'm getting into bed or my car at night.
Forgot I wasn't home alone with sleeping baby. Was seconds away from peeing with the door open as the sitter looked on from the living room.
Our trash cute smells _heavily_ of pot, and it's clogged. Did someone throw away an entire plant? I'm looking at you, upstairs neighbor.
Just saw my second dog in a stroller in a week. Perfectly healthy dogs, dubiously healthy dog owners.
whenever I go to the Mission, I feel like I've been roofied the next morning.
Hank's latest trick is to pretend he's burping and then laugh uproariously. Thanks, Dad.
That Stress Wall came out of nowhere. I think my nose is broken.
Guy next to me is irritated about no available outlets. He's taking it personally, looming. I just now decided to settle in for a while.
Neighbor? You are vomiting, shitting, copulating, birthing, moving furniture, or suffering withdrawal. Do you need a casserole or something?
breakfast at the ramp reminda me of hangovers and dating poorly. Now we're off to buy lemons for lemonaide making.
In the Marina, surrounded by girls wearing shirts as dresses. Also, that joke you made in the ladies room was not funny.
The baby is transfixed by Katherine Heigl. Good taste, kid.
Just absent mindedly left my computer on the coffee shop couch while I used the bathroom. Good thing I have my SS# written on it in sharpie.
The baby bucked and split my lip. Also, I think he's stealing money from my purse.
Disproportionally excited about the prospect of spending this evening at a Tiki bar. Nothing beats a 4-foot straw in a communal punch bowl.
Aaaaand hives. Universe, you make me itch.