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MagLamondSimone

After lunching with a friend's from-Italy grandparents, my girl said, "Apparently in Italian, 'No, thanks' means "Yes, I'll eat more.'" 4:19 AM May 30th via web
Evidently I've decided that wiping syrup off my arm each time I sit at the table is easier than washing the syrup off the table. #badparent 2:23 PM May 24th via web
The cats have climbed on The Change Train; they keep going to the door and meowing, hoping I'll forget they're indoor cats. Damn #menopause. 8:44 AM May 10th via web
Tip for surviving members of locust clan I just scraped off my windshield: Fly higher. 2:55 PM May 3rd via web
The only difference between suggestive lyrics of my youth and those of today is that I'm a parent. huffingtonpost.com/maggie-lamond-… 4:40 PM Apr 30th via web
I believe girls can be strong without being mean. I don't, however, believe it's easy. huffingtonpost.com/maggie-lamond-… 4:37 PM Apr 30th via web
Teaching a dog to dance is reasonably cool. Teach him to make my kids' school lunches and I'll be impressed. 4:52 AM Apr 29th via web
Dear Maggie: The #SlimFast bar is supposed to be eaten instead of your regular breakfast, not in addition to it. Love, your hips. 4:03 AM Apr 27th via web
"Do NOT make me come in there." huffingtonpost.com/maggie-lamond-… 12:20 PM Apr 26th via web
My #SUNYOswego students rock. There. I said it. 12:17 PM Apr 26th via web
It's a good possibility the people who invented smoking and drinking had teenagers. Hoping they come up with something safer pretty soon. 4:40 AM Apr 25th via web
There are few sounds as lovely as the laughter and screaming of girls inside on a rainy day. Oh, and could someone please pass the #Tylenol? 2:44 PM Apr 21st via web
If you have kids, or OCD, or kids with OCD, or a passing interest in OCD, or are just plain bored, I suppose. huffingtonpost.com/maggie-lamond-… 1:53 PM Apr 15th via web
I'm going to start this gorgeous #Fridaythe13th by feeding baby goats. And unbelievably, that's not a euphemism. 4:47 AM Apr 13th via web
Glancing down at my thighs, I realized I gave up running for Lent. Meant to give up punning. Bummer. 6:54 PM Apr 6th via web
The Hallmark Channel is hosting a "Mary Tyler Moore" marathon today. I'm embarrassingly excited. #MaryTylerMoore 6:19 AM Apr 1st via web
I tend to punch guys who are following, stalking and/or harassing me when I'm on my way home too. But hey, that's me. #TrayvonMartin 4:40 PM Mar 26th via web
Learning that we go through puberty twice; once as a teen, then as the parent of a teen. It might actually be more painful the second time. 4:42 PM Mar 18th via web
Playing hide-n-seek with daughter and friend, got distracted and forgot to seek. They came out of a closet twenty minutes later. #menopause 2:02 PM Mar 10th via web
Trying to think of media tools to compare with writers' tools for my journalism class tomorrow, and #RushLimbaugh keeps coming up. Huh. 12:55 PM Mar 5th via web

Name Maggie Lamond Simone
Location Syracuse, New York
Web http://www.maggie...
Bio Writer. Mother. Sarcastic person. Teacher. Ex-drunk. Not necessarily in that order, but possibly. FROM BEER TO MATERNITY and POSTED now available on Kindle.