LovableDoofus
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I'm filling out a form so I can give blood. Is 'homeless dude & whores' the correct response to TYPE? Is 4 gallons enough for the cookie?
3:07 PM Nov 18th
from mobile web
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Deleting a Twitter account requires you to perform a lame rap on You-tube so I've decided to stay. I'll star the shit out of you all tonight
9:54 AM Nov 16th
from web
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571 of you couldn't warn me how Marley and Me ended??
My film, “Miley and Me” will be the exact same plot, but will be much more uplifting.
9:37 AM Nov 16th
from web
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Thanks to all who stuck with me. You guys are the best.
5:49 PM Oct 28th
from web
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I'm still alive and'll be back in a few days after I get my stress to bearable levels
or sooner if a celeb dies or I take a tweetable shit.
5:49 PM Oct 28th
from web
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I’ve been to every grocery store in town with no success. I’m beginning to think that Soylent Green Helper is not a real product.
8:53 AM Oct 15th
from web
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Daughter said that she’s giving up Trick or Treating but gave no reason. She is so creative.
Going as Sarah Palin for Halloween is genius.
1:49 PM Oct 14th
from web
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I RSVPd on Facebook that I'd be attending the Rapture. Now I'm reconsidering.
There probably won't be a 3 hour wait at Luigi's that day.
11:32 AM Oct 14th
from web
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J-Lo's changing her name to Lola. Wasn’t that a song about a girl who was really a man?
Jenny from the Block (with a Cock) comes out 11/3.
7:00 AM Oct 14th
from web
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Son’s science book claims the amoeba is the lowest form of life.
The author of this outdated book has obviously never seen Rock of Love.
8:44 AM Oct 13th
from web
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.@ Your free thought for the day.
"Lovable Doofus is more lovable than Doofus".
Now, if you want a true thought, it'll cost ya.
1:56 PM Oct 12th
from web
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Fuck Columbus! It's Free Thought Day. Google it. We should celebrate that instead.
Agree with me or I'll never star your tweets again.
12:53 PM Oct 12th
from web
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Twitter sucks without Miley’s wisdom. I’m posting exclusively on her fan board. Blow job posts get you 20 there too.
Not stars, but still…
10:38 AM Oct 12th
from web
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The media’s coverage of the ‘MILEY QUITS TWITTER' crisis proves she was days away from tweeting her cure for Cancer.
10/7 NEVER FORGET
9:00 AM Oct 12th
from web
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Was it the Ninja or the Pinto that didn’t make it to America?
I’m guessing the Pinto. I could’ve told Columbus he shouldn’t buy a Ford.
7:03 AM Oct 12th
from web
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Marge Simpson to pose nude in Playboy. (No Joke) Got a stiffy just thinking about it.
Now we’ll finally learn if she’s a natural “blue”.
8:41 AM Oct 9th
from web
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Obama won the Nobel? DAMN! I guess he was the 92nd caller at NOW FM.
I must’ve been 93 ‘cause all I got was these damn FabOlous tickets.
7:03 AM Oct 9th
from web
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I'm proud my 7yo was smart enough to figure out there's no Santa but she didn't need to ruin it for me! That college fund's sooo liquidated.
5:15 AM Oct 9th
from mobile web
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IT WAS MY FAULT.
I needed to plug in my Keurig and I accidentally unplugged the Twitter.
I thought it was the plug to Nana’s dialysis.
11:43 AM Oct 8th
from web
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Backstreet Boys concert has been cancelled due to H1N1.
If the cackling hens on the View get it, this Swine flu thing could become likable.
7:13 AM Oct 7th
from web
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