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LRBpersonals

  1. Misunderstood homeopathic practitioner (M, 38). Anything involving hands requires my lawyer to be present. Box no. 7836.
  2. Commit your fondest memories to tape. Then discard them all, you harlot – I should be all you need. Jealous, paranoid nut-case (M, 58).
  3. You: brunette, long legs, 25-30, drop-dead gorgeous. Me: 4’10”, the looks of Herve Villechaize, an odour of wheat. No returns, no refunds.
  4. Dinner’s on me. Gap-toothed F, 32. WLTM M to 35 with permanent supply of Wet Ones. Box no. 6735.
  5. If you live in a care-home where access to the bath hoist is determined by a monthly rotation schedule, write to flaky 72-year old M.
  6. Wiltshire troll with Stig of the Dump influences (M, 56) WLTM special lady willing to compromise in certain lifestyle choices.
  7. This ad is a fake. Just like the man who placed it. Deny nothing, regret all, but live to fight again with phenomologically ashamed M (32).
  8. Wipe that smile off your face. Ex-UCL classics reader, now kid’s entertainer (F, 32, hates cats). WLTM educated, cynical trampolinist.
  9. Boris Johnson be mine! Gay fisherman tired of the cod wars (62) ready to lay down his net for churlish-looking gent of the Tory peripheries.
  10. My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother. Box no 3682.
  11. Bitter Amazon reviewer: ‘1 star – I’ve had more fun operating on my own cataracts'. M, 43, holed-up at home with chicken pox.
  12. Face in the crowd. Not her, left a bit, down. . . That’s me: impish, vivacious twenties F, unwisely overlooked. WLTM Baudelarian flâneur.
  13. If the LRB had a crossword, my name would be one of the answers. Undeservedly obscure poet WLTM responsive F. First out of the hat wins £5.
  14. Look like Charlize Theron? Like the Cure? Live in Ipswich? M, 43, seeks romance in what was briefly England's second city (1450-1510).
  15. Deus ex machina wants underconfident, 30ish non-believer (F) with great legs. No flakes or born-agains. I’ve only one pair of hands.
  16. Dizzy historian (M, 54) seeks F for whom the terms ‘good times’, ‘tracking device’ and ‘A&E’ aren’t a million miles away from each other.
  17. I wrote this ad to rebuke my rivals, undermine my critics, and fill the hearts of my followers with the love they deserve. Kevin, 46.
  18. This ad was constructed specifically to attract the exactly right sort of person by utilising the very subtle tenets of Feng Shui. F, 52.
  19. If we meet it mustn’t conflict with my community service obligations. Edgy F (51), WLTM M with stuff to do for 90 hours over the next month.
  20. Science has proven that I am the man for you (41, likes to be referred to as ‘Wing Commander’ in the bedroom). Box no. 3501.