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kimalah

  1. What is Amnesty International's position on alarm clocks? 3:34 AM Nov 20th from Brizzly
  2. I'm beginning to think socks are untrustworthy. 11:07 PM Nov 19th from Brizzly
  3. Considering the amount of gas I am producing, I should be declared an emirate. 4:26 AM Nov 19th from Brizzly
  4. Sometimes a concussion seems like too much to hope for. 5:32 PM Nov 18th from Brizzly
  5. As my current mood shows no sign of abating, I expect to devour the soul of a 25 year old boy by the end of the night. 4:48 PM Nov 12th from Brizzly
  6. Syntax and I are not on speaking terms. 8:03 PM Nov 3rd from web
  7. May or may not have just overheard the nickname my neighbor's boyfriend calls her vagina. I will never be able to watch Chip and Dale again. 7:05 PM Nov 3rd from web
  8. I just saw someone try to stage an intervention on Facebook. I must be way drunker than I thought. 8:13 PM Oct 30th from web
  9. FEMA has been contacted regarding the state of my hair. 8:06 AM Oct 9th from txt
  10. @DrRandPink Thank you. I would be more eloquent but I am rather tipsy and need to sleep now. 2:11 AM Sep 26th from web in reply to DrRandPink
  11. I am not allowed to fall asleep face down on the keyboard. Not again. 2:01 AM Sep 26th from web
  12. Beer is magical. I love it. 1:29 AM Sep 26th from web
  13. Fucktard is as fucktard does. 4:01 PM Sep 25th from txt
  14. Wow some people actually still listen to Hootie and the Blowfish? I am nonplussed. 9:07 AM Sep 25th from txt
  15. Looking at my legs and trying to convince myself yeti is the new black this fall. 4:29 AM Sep 25th from web
  16. Thursday why are you so mean? Did you not get enough love as a child? 5:02 AM Sep 24th from txt
  17. Dear person with the 'Damn I'm good' license plate. No, no you are not. 4:48 AM Sep 21st from txt
  18. No really I love football. It makes my day drunk look like it had a purpose. 3:37 PM Sep 20th from web
  19. The dancing white man overbite up close and personal is a frightening thing. 9:18 PM Sep 18th from web
  20. Sir, as far as douchebags go, you are of the highest pedigree. You are a Rockefeller of douchebags. 2:57 PM Sep 18th from web