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JustRegularBez

  1. wonder what the lady next to me on the train thought when I found stray chocolate in my clevage & ate it. probably "wow, she's resourceful!" about 13 hours ago from web
  2. did some serious farting in Bath & Body Works this weekend. about 15 hours ago from web
  3. RT @Zaius13: I follow both @callmebez and @justregularbez in the hopes that we'll someday have a freaky three-way. With your mom. 5:24 PM Nov 20th from web
  4. I go through boyfriends like a controlled, slow-burning fire. 7:42 AM Nov 20th from web
  5. I go through boyfriends like glaciers go through continents. 7:40 AM Nov 20th from web
  6. I've had a rough day, who wants to make out? 3:05 PM Nov 18th from web
  7. [BURP] mmmm, chocolate cupcake with buttercream frosting. 3:04 PM Nov 18th from web
  8. when I'm married, I'll make all my money by smushing my boobs in my husband's face & saying, "look, you're booby trapped! NOW PAY THE TOLL" 10:04 AM Nov 18th from web
  9. overheard in chinatown by a 6 year old boy yelling at his father, "You sign the contract, YOU PAY!!!" 1:46 PM Nov 17th from web
  10. certain trees in central park drop weird berry things that smell like a sour patch kid crapped his pants. I might barf. also I want candy. 8:04 AM Nov 17th from web
  11. I'll take it as a sign of my maturity that guys with girlfriends no longer hit on me. Now its guys with wives. 8:27 AM Nov 16th from web
  12. @Yayaa and I got each other pregnant last night. 9:50 AM Nov 13th from web in reply to Yayaa
  13. OHMYGOD I WOKE UP FROM A DREAM LAST NIGHT WHERE I HAD A BABY AND WAS IMMEDIATELY PREGNANT AGAIN I'M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT 7:51 AM Nov 13th from web
  14. heard someone crying outside my window last night & got really worried so I walked toward the noise. nope, just my neighbors boinkin' again. 12:44 PM Nov 12th from web
  15. went to my sister's house last night for Work-Out Wednesday, but it ended up being Eat A Bag Of Pizza Goldfish Wednesday. 8:52 AM Nov 12th from web
  16. lost a paperclip down my shirt. I know, I KNOW, it happens all the time. but the thing is, this time I CAN'T FIND IT. 8:22 AM Nov 11th from web
  17. a man on the subway was clipping & filing his nails. he held up his hands & asked me "how do they look?" he didn't have pointer fingers. 2:28 PM Nov 10th from web
  18. things I keep in business: 1. the gummy candy industry. 2. Tide To Go. 3. Lifestyles condoms. JK ON THE LAST ONE, I'M TOTALLY ALONE. 7:43 AM Nov 10th from web
  19. she was destined to be a stripper in a small midwest town, but by a twist of fate she was born to Billy Ray Cyrus instead. 11:22 PM Nov 7th from web
  20. Looks like I'm going on a blind date tonight with raspberry vinaigrette all over my pants. 1:53 PM Nov 6th from web