JonnyWhiteguy
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If you've flown Southwest more than once and still can't figure out their boarding system, congrats, you're retarded.
2:52 PM Dec 28th
from txt
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"I'm warm AND fighting cancer. What're you guys doing?"
5:13 PM Dec 27th
from txt
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Man, I love Angela Lansbury, but the next time I hear Need a Little Christmas, somebody is gonna die.
4:09 PM Dec 24th
from txt
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No matter where you are, the same three dudes work at the nearest Games Workshop.
5:35 PM Dec 23rd
from txt
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At this point, @, Helen Keller is a better storyteller than George Lucas, and she's dead.
9:19 AM Dec 22nd
from mobile web
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@ Why would HHH need him? He has a mascot now.
8:12 PM Dec 21st
from web
in reply to JonHexLives
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Reading 's tweets this morning has been like watching a virgin have sex for the first time. WE'RE GOOD TO GO, WAIT, SHIT, NO, SORRY.
8:57 AM Dec 21st
from web
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RE: my last tweet: whomever said "are you going to shoot the fucking SKY?" is my HERO.
9:46 AM Dec 20th
from web
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Hah, the cop who pulled a gun on a snowball fight was in my old neighborhood. I almost miss living in DC.
9:44 AM Dec 20th
from web
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I would honestly rather have a computer full of late-90s viruses from Goddamned Kazaa than McAfee bugging the shit out of me constantly.
8:36 PM Dec 19th
from web
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What makes a Hottentot so hot? What puts the ape in apricot? WHATTA THEY GOT THAT I AIN'T GOT?
5:28 PM Dec 19th
from web
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@ The mall Santa across the street didn't make it to work today. Due to snow. Also not a joke.
3:17 PM Dec 19th
from web
in reply to JamesUrbaniak
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I'm watching Ice Spiders on SyFy - it seemed apropos - and the heroes have barricaded a door that opens OUT. Good thinking, guys.
3:14 PM Dec 19th
from web
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@ He doesn't have a cell phone - whatever he touches turns to steam in his clutch. He's too much.
3:01 PM Dec 19th
from web
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Why is @ following me? Can I have a job spouting snappy one-liners about stars? I could do it; I'm like a bearded Joel McHale.
1:41 PM Dec 19th
from web
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@ I'm a Connecticut Yankee who went to school in upstate New York. Any reference I make to snow here is going to be in jest.
12:57 PM Dec 19th
from web
in reply to potomacripper
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Virginia doesn't seem to know how to plow, no.
9:43 AM Dec 19th
from txt
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Best song where two people debate having sex: Baby It's Cold Outside or Paradise By The Dashboard Light?
10:01 AM Dec 18th
from txt
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@ Or, you know, just forget about the brand split for the haul between the Rumble and 'Mania. Like they always do.
8:27 PM Dec 17th
from web
in reply to JonHexLives
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A Blue line train to Fort Totten just showed up at Friendship. I'm sure I've been this confused before, but I can't remember when.
6:50 PM Dec 17th
from txt
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