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JonnyWhiteguy

  1. If you've flown Southwest more than once and still can't figure out their boarding system, congrats, you're retarded.
  2. "I'm warm AND fighting cancer. What're you guys doing?"
  3. Man, I love Angela Lansbury, but the next time I hear Need a Little Christmas, somebody is gonna die.
  4. No matter where you are, the same three dudes work at the nearest Games Workshop.
  5. At this point, @potomacripper, Helen Keller is a better storyteller than George Lucas, and she's dead.
  6. @JonHexLives Why would HHH need him? He has a mascot now.
  7. Reading #WMATA's tweets this morning has been like watching a virgin have sex for the first time. WE'RE GOOD TO GO, WAIT, SHIT, NO, SORRY.
  8. RE: my last tweet: whomever said "are you going to shoot the fucking SKY?" is my HERO.
  9. Hah, the cop who pulled a gun on a snowball fight was in my old neighborhood. I almost miss living in DC. http://tinyurl.com/yeqkcw9
  10. I would honestly rather have a computer full of late-90s viruses from Goddamned Kazaa than McAfee bugging the shit out of me constantly.
  11. What makes a Hottentot so hot? What puts the ape in apricot? WHATTA THEY GOT THAT I AIN'T GOT?
  12. @JamesUrbaniak The mall Santa across the street didn't make it to work today. Due to snow. Also not a joke.
  13. I'm watching Ice Spiders on SyFy - it seemed apropos - and the heroes have barricaded a door that opens OUT. Good thinking, guys.
  14. @teamgoldie He doesn't have a cell phone - whatever he touches turns to steam in his clutch. He's too much.
  15. Why is @NancyODell following me? Can I have a job spouting snappy one-liners about stars? I could do it; I'm like a bearded Joel McHale.
  16. @potomacripper I'm a Connecticut Yankee who went to school in upstate New York. Any reference I make to snow here is going to be in jest.
  17. Virginia doesn't seem to know how to plow, no.
  18. Best song where two people debate having sex: Baby It's Cold Outside or Paradise By The Dashboard Light?
  19. @JonHexLives Or, you know, just forget about the brand split for the haul between the Rumble and 'Mania. Like they always do.
  20. A Blue line train to Fort Totten just showed up at Friendship. I'm sure I've been this confused before, but I can't remember when.