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John_Wray

  1. Is there a term, Citizen mused, for being pissed that a thing you secretly love has become dipshit poseur standard issue? Oh, right. Aging. 1:46 PM Apr 17th via web
  2. Thanks for the Guggenheim well-wishes, everybody. You'll each receive a cupcake in the mail. An electronic cupcake! --EDS. 11:15 AM Apr 12th via web
  3. The nice thing about the undead, Citizen mused, is that they have such low expectations. No real disappointments. No student loans, either. 10:26 AM Apr 10th via web
  4. "It's Zombie Jesus week!" A passing tween shouted. Citizen could remember a time when undead Jesus only got one day a year. 11:21 AM Apr 9th via web
  5. Was there a connection, etymological or otherwise, between 'Good Friday' and the 'TGIF' franchise? Citizen saw the hand of Opus Dei in both. 11:37 AM Apr 6th via web
  6. "Uganda Prank My Mom, Peyton Manning?" a passerby mumbled to no one. At least that's what Citizen thought he heard. Time for a drink. 8:24 PM Mar 6th via web
  7. Come to think of it, Citizen mused, adding 'WITH BENEFITS' to just about any word is bound to make said word sexier. Except unemployment. 7:27 AM Feb 10th via web
  8. For the umpteenth time, Citizen found himself walking past COFFEE FRIENDS (WITH BENEFITS). It got him all undercaffeinated & bothered. 9:11 AM Feb 9th via web
  9. "#IfThereWasntAnyPolice," said Citizen, "folks everywhere would be free to do what they wanted! Like learn how to use the subjunctive!" 11:17 AM Jan 31st via web
  10. "Speaking as a fellow Christian," Citizen said to the woman, "I'm a big fan of sin. How do you feel about it? Do you ever do venal?" 10:27 AM Jan 31st via web
  11. "As a Christian, I refuse to compromise," the woman said to Citizen. "Also, as a Christian, I don't like the taste of cilantro. It's soapy." 5:02 PM Jan 25th via web
  12. Citizen turned the corner and ran into a woman who was fussing and muttering and biting her nails. Another self-loathing member of the GOP. 11:43 AM Jan 21st via web
  13. A protein bar craving, in Citizen's view, was a clear cry for help, much as a craving for kale was a sign of unbearable smugness. Or scurvy. 12:07 PM Jan 20th via web
  14. All at once, for no reason, Citizen found himself thinking about protein bars. Not a good sign. No one thinks about protein bars on purpose. 11:56 AM Jan 20th via web
  15. "When should I stop working on my novel?" a passerby murmured. "When your intravenous Merlot drip runs dry!" Citizen shouted. 1:22 PM Jan 19th via web
  16. The owner of the dog that looked like a dirty Rasta wig had come to resemble it, as owners will. Not the Rasta part. She just looked dirty. 12:10 PM Jan 6th via web
  17. It had taken Citizen 27 years to discover the obvious: people have dogs so they can talk to themselves. 10:22 AM Jan 5th via web
  18. A dog of unclear pedigree crossed Citizen's path. Actually, 'dog' was a guess. It looked more like a Rastafarian hairpiece dipped in shit. 8:30 AM Jan 3rd via web
  • Name John Wray
  • Location Brooklyn, NY
  • Web http://us.macmill...
  • Bio My 3rd novel, Lowboy, is out now from FSG/Picador. Right now you feel a strong need to acquire it.
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