JohnTofte
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Holidays make me sentimental. Like climbing trees and my 1st bicycle. My dad threw it at me every chance he got. How I learned 2 climb trees
about 18 hours ago
from TweetDeck
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car was making a wierd noise, sounded like it was under my car so I took it in to check the brakes. Turns out it was just human screaming
9:50 AM Nov 20th
from Birdhouse
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Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.
6:03 PM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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A favorite quote:
"Beyond its entertainment value, Baywatch has enriched, and in many cases, helped save lives."
— David Hasselhoff
6:00 PM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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I got pulled over. officer said I was doing 85 miles per hour. I told him that's bullshit because I had only been in the car 10 minutes
3:08 PM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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I can name the capital of any country. For instance the capital of France is F. Aren't I f-ing smart?
3:03 PM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom.
2:57 PM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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Not sure if I'm eating chicken or fish. I know it’s tunafish, but isnt it called chicken of the sea? WTF?
12:28 PM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
10:13 AM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.
10:10 AM Nov 19th
from Birdhouse
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Next time someone is pestering you or won't go away just say "If I throw a stick, will you leave? People love that
11:30 AM Nov 17th
from Birdhouse
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Insiders say there is a rift between The president and 1st lady these days in the bedroom over the use of a TelePrompter during sex
10:43 AM Nov 17th
from Birdhouse
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Other kids books that didn't do well: "Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games", and "Grandpa Gets a Casket"
12:22 PM Nov 15th
from Birdhouse
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Unlike most people, I have a pretty good idea what my last words will be: "hey, watch this!"
12:11 PM Nov 15th
from Birdhouse
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Note to self: I don't have to stare at the orange juice just because it says "concentrate"
12:09 PM Nov 15th
from Birdhouse
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I'd get up early and go to church on Sundays but the service is terrible. "What's a guy gotta do to get a pancake sandwich around here!?"
11:55 AM Nov 15th
from Birdhouse
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RT @: Thinking about what I'm going to masturbate to when the rest of my family goes to church later.
11:42 AM Nov 15th
from Reportage
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The military needs to tap into Carls Jr's (Hardees) advanced weapons technology. Culinary warfare... They r killing millions
6:29 PM Nov 13th
from Birdhouse
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I think the British are correct. Our political system is broken. So, I suggest we adopt a big ass Queen to help us rally together. Ideas?
6:17 PM Nov 13th
from Birdhouse
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saw a sign on the street for American Airlines, stopped because I need tickets.Weird, I has to introduce myself "hi, my name is John and..."
6:06 PM Nov 13th
from Birdhouse
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- Name Stuart
- Location Oregon City, Oregon USA
- Web http://www.johnto...
- Bio I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me :)
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