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Jim_Hamilton

  1. I'm sorry. I know how much you homos like horse racing, but this is the Breeders' Cup.
  2. My biggest pet peeve is when credit card commercials show the card being scanned rightside-up.
  3. I just watched "The Brothers Bloom" under a mountain of sleeping cats.
  4. Baby step to the liquor store.
  5. Most people don't cry during "What About Bob?" but most people don't watch it alone on a Friday night.
  6. Anybody who slides into first deserves diarrhea.
  7. @Just_Alison You mean "get off" the plane, right? You really have to be clear with @atencio.
  8. No matter how many ties I pretend to look at, it is obvious to everyone in Nordstrom's that I came in only to take a shit.
  9. My ears are burning. I think somebody's talking about oh Jesus, my hair is on fire again.
  10. Whenever I see a Hasidic Jew press the button to cross the street I mutter, "The Jews control the crosswalk." It's fun!
  11. The cats are so excited that I'm awake early that they've decided to kill each other. Welcome to the Terrordome.
  12. .@Just_Alison, @robdelaney and I shared a table in Beverly Hills tonight. We're pretty much the Rat Pack of Twitter.
  13. The currency in Japan is headless, upside-down hula hoopers? I'm rich! RT @BarCodeHair I got paid ¥10,000 to model t-shirts for 15mins.
  14. Ever since I learned that Hamburger Mary's is a gay bar, I assume every establishment in West Hollywood is. Tasty's Donuts. Ace Hardware.
  15. Sign reads "Laundry room closes @ 11." Removing her clothes from the dryer at 10:59, she notices me loading the washer. "You a narc?" I ask.
  16. I received this text message: "You shouldn't beat yourself up over last night's set." Shit, I wasn't until now.
  17. RT @alexblagg: Clear eyes, full hearts, infinite financial resources, can't lose!
  18. By this time next week, I will have a first place fantasy football team to hold me at night.
  19. Art is not created in a vacuum, except my Wet/Dryorama.
  20. You could read how I feel about tonight in my manifesto, if I would ever finish it.