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JillMorris

  1. Watching The Ten Commandments. No spoilers. 7:53 PM May 23rd via TweetCaster for Android
  2. Thanks, Time Magazine, for lowering the bar from Octomom. 11:02 AM May 10th via TweetDeck
  3. Accidentally dressed like the 90s ralphed on me. 8:33 PM Apr 22nd via TweetCaster for Android
  4. via @TheOnion - Court: Employers Don't Have To Enforce Lunch Break onion.com/IQBrO3 9:32 AM Apr 16th via Tweet Button
  5. Science lesson: When you burp in a public place with your headphones on the sound evaporates. 5:08 PM Apr 13th via TweetDeck
  6. How could I like people when I am one of them? 3:24 PM Apr 13th via TweetDeck
  7. If you don't have plans this weekend, just be thankful you don't have to show a high school friend around the city you currently live in. 2:59 PM Apr 13th via TweetDeck
  8. I'm happy for Angelina & Brad. But I miss the old days where you only had to have one child to trap a man into marrying you. 1:19 PM Apr 13th via TweetDeck
  9. My boyfriend had to get me two teeth this month. So, everyone who isn't dating me: good decision. 1:10 PM Apr 13th via TweetDeck
  10. via @TheOnion - Most Popular Barbies onion.com/aCSBIC 1:07 PM Apr 13th via Tweet Button
  11. Ironing Tip: After you turn on the iron, walk away because you're unemployed and could use the fire insurance money. 11:08 AM Apr 11th via TweetDeck
  12. I only believe in evolution because it makes me feel like a winner. 10:54 AM Apr 11th via TweetDeck
  13. Suggestion: Photoshop needs a "Fix Dead Eyes" tool. 9:28 AM Apr 6th via TweetDeck
  14. If you are using a payphone, I assume your life is in free fall. 9:13 AM Apr 6th via TweetDeck
  15. Dinner Party Tip: If your candle wick is being tricky, simply set your hand on fire. Guests will be impressed with how flammable you are. 12:56 PM Apr 2nd via TweetDeck
  16. Is it too soon to tell your boyfriend you love him if you've only been pregnant for six months? 11:46 AM Apr 2nd via TweetDeck
  17. I will have more money to buy cigarettes RT @nicorette: Fill in the blank! "I am most excited about quitting smoking because _________." 11:44 AM Apr 2nd via TweetDeck
  • Name Jill Morris
  • Location Brooklyn, NY
  • Web http://amzn.to/lH...
  • Bio Onion, Nickelodeon, Someecards, McSweeneys, WitStream, Author: http://amzn.to/lHPzjH Creator: http://PleaseFireMe.com & @PleaseFireMe. Me: http://bit.ly/mvlslQ
352 Following 10,613 Followers 635 Listed
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