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United Kingdom
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Indonesia
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Ireland
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India
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Jordan
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New Zealand
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United States
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JezebelTheGreat

  1. I wish Lisa Frank did erotica illustrations. I'd read 50 Shades Of Gray if I knew there'd be a set of neon magenta unicorn balls on page 98.
  2. Ugh. Babies are dicks.
  3. OH GOD SHE JUST BARFED IN MY FACE I HAVE BARF ON MY FACE WAIT WHY AM I STILL TYPING I'M STILL TYPING WHY AM I STILL TYP
  4. "HEY, LET'S REPLACE OUR FABRIC SOFTENER WITH GROUND WHALE BONE AND BROKEN DVDS! LOL!" ~every hotel, ever
  5. My big accomplishment tonight has been discussing my boob tenderness with at least thirty people. #chsh
  6. @AMentalFracture I've been playing mommy! Apparently taking care of a newborn sucks up all your time. and energy. and internet availability.
  7. DON'T WORRY, I'M TYPING WITH THE NO-PEE HAND.
  8. My kid just peed on my hand. I wish I had a joke for that, but I don't. I just have a hand. With pee on it.
  9. @gorillasushi AURORA BOREANAZ! (I've been waiting for a reason to say that.)
  10. Our baby just discovered our ceiling fan, so that pretty much takes care of my parenting for the next two years. I'm going to the bar.
  11. I wish I was famous so I could name my kids "Quasar BeeGee" and "Captain of Industry."
  12. Now I'm texting all of my family members with the word LOLFARTS. Just because I know it's there. You're welcome, Mom!
  13. I just typed "kild" instead of "killed" and my phone autocorrected it to "lolfarts." HOW DID IT KNOW.
  14. I wonder if itchy scalp shampoo would also work on, like, balls and stuff.
  15. I wish "queef" was actually plural for "coif" so I could use the term "old lady queef" freely when referring to power walkers at the mall.
  16. GO PORTLAND!
  17. Sometimes I wish I had a lisp because it would be an adorable quirk and plus I could spit on people like I do now but it'd be okay.
  18. @KJCollard She has all the poops. And SHE IS THE CUTEST THING EVER, OF COURSE.
  19. It just occurred to me that "vulva," "labia" and "vagina" all sound like stars named after Latin philosophers.