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Jesus_M_Christ

  1. If Liam Neeson was one of my disciples I bet he wouldn't have let those fuckers crucify me.
  2. All you conservatives fucking with Obama in the trending topics. I know you're not in church.
  3. Soulja Boy should watch his back on Memorial Day. Just sayin'.
  4. While it's not true that all dogs go to Heaven, we have been seeing a lot more since they opened that Korean BBQ joint.
  5. People who microwave fish in a shared kitchen should be waterboarded in Rosie O'Donnell's bathwater.
  6. Anybody know how to tell a receding hairline to cut it the fuck out? I NEED this shit.
  7. That commandment about 'not coveting thy neighbor's ass" really sucks if you live next door to Shakira.
  8. RIP Justin Bieber? Oh hell no. He's your problem, not ours.
  9. Mom gets so upset when people talk about their intimate relationship with God in public.
  10. "Omniscient" my ass, I'm high as shit and I can't find the remote.
  11. Just bought myself a "What Would Clint Eastwood Do?" bracelet.
  12. Dad's going to tweak the laws of physics next time around. Somehow things got fucked up.
  13. Get out the disco ball. Tonight, we're gonna party!
  14. Mom's giving me hell for making the wrong wine for her Mother's Day lunch. BITCH, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORKED ON THIS BOX OF FRANZIA?!
  15. I love you, mom! Thanx for teaching me to lie about being a virgin! U r da best! #HappyMothersDay
  16. Barack, now that's what Jesus would do.
  17. It's pretty gay of North Carolina to deny gay marriage.