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Jerk_Dently

  1. @mathcat345 Yes, but that's a long walk to go and get jam to make a sandwich at 2am. 11:25 AM May 18th via web in reply to mathcat345
  2. A local grocery ad has pulled pork & pounds of sausage on sale, which makes it both dirtier AND better literature than Fifty Shades. 10:28 AM May 18th via web
  3. The Hunger Games is an apt title for the film - for half of the running time, I was starving for something interesting to happen. 10:30 PM May 12th via web
  4. At the DriveIn for Lorax-Taylor Swift is in it?! Waiting for Kanye to interrupt with, Imma let you finish but Grinch was the best film ever! 6:26 PM May 12th via web
  5. The bright side of having congestion for 4 months is that I've excreted enough mucus to build my own Burj Khaloogie. 8:55 AM May 11th via txt
  6. @chrisroberts96 I msged Neil Gaiman on your behalf & he has worked to slow down the Tumblr hate: bit.ly/LeLzzV I hope it has helped. 11:25 AM May 9th via web
  7. The only thing we can reasonably assume dinosaur farts caused is dinosaur divorce. 9:56 PM May 7th via web
  8. The next person who uses the phrase "educate your palate" can educate theirs with the taste of my balls. 8:18 PM Apr 22nd via web
  9. Encouragable and incorrigible sound way too similar for my comfort level. Whichever he is, that kid's not coming to the birthday party. 12:40 PM Apr 18th via web
  10. New on my FIGJAM page: 100 bit.ly/HKkYwK 12:16 PM Apr 15th via Tweetly Updater
  11. "Where do washed up TV writers go when they retire?" "The old tropes home." 12:45 AM Apr 10th via web
  12. "WOW. Your kid just took a poop that filled the whole toilet!" "Really? That's total bowl shit." 3:56 PM Mar 31st via web
  13. Someday - and I hope it's soon - I will stop mis-reading Noomi Rapace's last name as "Rapeface". 7:08 PM Mar 28th via web
  14. New on my FIGJAM page: Aftermath bit.ly/wou0sy 3:43 PM Mar 13th via Tweetly Updater
  15. In Canada we call it "hockey style" instead of "doggie style" because both people can watch the game on TV while doing it. 6:16 AM Mar 8th via txt
  16. @ZenMonkey What a relief! I was beginning to think the last 10 years might be considered permanent. Oops, sorry...sarcasm is kinda my thing. 8:23 PM Feb 16th via web in reply to ZenMonkey
  17. THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT! THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT! 6:59 PM Feb 5th via web
  18. I didn't see it. Was the halftime show really like Physiotherapy:The Musical? 6:32 PM Feb 5th via web
  19. That girl I met online? I totally hearted her Tumblr last night. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 6:59 AM Jan 24th via txt
  20. Yo Mama's so fat, she puts the mass in Christmas. 1:33 PM Dec 24th, 2011 via web
  • Name Svlad Cjelli
  • Location 33a Peckender St. N1 London,UK
  • Web http://polar-bear...
  • Bio Winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Twitter Humour. WARNING: May cause you to exceed your recommended daily intake of sarcasm.
162 Following 93 Followers 8 Listed