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JephKelley

  1. @JohnZFields Appreciate the shout-out. Or shoutout, if you hate hyphens. Or ahouyiut, if you misspell words on your iPhone keyboard. about 9 hours ago from Tweetie
  2. A marathon is causing frustrating traffic detours all over the city. It's kind of a metaphor for life, because, like, problems and shit. about 21 hours ago from Tweetie
  3. Alumni event. Me: "What's up Tom?" Ed: "My name's Ed." Me: "So don't be a dick, and just realize I forgot your name. Tonight, you're Tom." 8:47 PM Nov 13th from Tweetie
  4. Don't mean to split facial hairs here, @sween, but - while for a good cause - there's clearly more hair there than just a mustache. [Ahem] 11:45 AM Nov 13th from web
  5. End of Days seems rather unlikely in our time, but what if the planet runs out of meat? I hope we don't live to see Salad Days. 9:01 AM Nov 13th from web
  6. Barista: "Is your breakfast sandwich for here or do you have to run?" Me: "I'll TAKE IT ON THE RUN, BA-BAY!" B: "..." M: "REO? No?...To go." 6:02 AM Nov 13th from Tweetie
  7. I think I kinda have a thing for that chimp attack lady. 3:43 PM Nov 12th from Tweetie
  8. @theamygrace I wish I could unsee that. 12:37 PM Nov 12th from web in reply to theamygrace
  9. Rainy days like today make me wish I was a woman so I could wear those pink rubber boots and look super cute and I think I've said too much. 12:12 PM Nov 12th from Tweetie
  10. Been raining for days. Freezing outside, too. And I don't have an umbrella. Looks like I'll just end up walking in the cold November rain. 10:47 AM Nov 12th from Tweetie
  11. Just had the softest brownie bites and now all I can think about is sleeping on a cloud of brownies and somehow putting the sky in my mouth. 10:43 AM Nov 11th from web
  12. You can learn a lot about a person by walking in their shoes, but sometimes brazenly stereotyping them based on their looks is faster. 5:53 PM Nov 10th from web
  13. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" In space, no one would've heard that. 9:11 AM Nov 10th from web
  14. Checked my credit card balance from vacation. Is it easier just to pay it off over a few months or to change my name and flee the country? 7:32 AM Nov 10th from Tweetie
  15. Last day of vacation. Back to the Real World tomorrow. I'm fine with going back, but I hate having to sit down and film the confessionals. 7:37 AM Nov 9th from Tweetie
  16. ONLY WHEN I'M DANCING CAN I FEEL THIS FREE-EE; AT NIGHT I LOCK THE DOORS WHERE NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE-EE; I'M TIRED OF DANCIN' HERE ALL BY MYSE 6:03 PM Nov 8th from Tweetie
  17. Miami is expensive. Dinner for two is no less than $100, and I paid at least three times what I do at home for a standard eight ball. 9:56 AM Nov 8th from Tweetie
  18. Had dinner with people I didn't know. I performed an AMAZING table trick where I listened to them talking, then pretended to care. 7:32 PM Nov 7th from Tweetie
  19. @brianbolter Eez chu talkine toom mi? I don't tink chu wanna be talkine toom mi. 12:27 PM Nov 7th from Tweetie in reply to brianbolter
  20. Miami's nice. Ate breakfast at a cute little restaurant. It would've been cuter had something on the menu incorporated the term "Mihami." 10:34 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie