Jacquesstewart
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So why am I meant to call them "Travellers" if they're not f***ing travelling anywhere. Gerrof moi land. If not my land, within eyeshot.
12:44 AM Nov 7th
from web
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That heron is giving me a funny look. Have realised this after four months of staring at it.
10:44 AM Oct 14th
from web
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I wonder what gruesomely smug rubbish I can post up now. Is the past participle of "tweet" "twat". I suspect it might be. Oh look, a heron.
8:57 AM Jun 14th
from web
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Why do Terminator robots have teeth?
9:53 PM Jun 11th
from web
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She must have told everyone she knows, twice. I am going to eat her heart.
12:33 PM Jun 3rd
from mobile web
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I'm on the train. Boring to read. Even more boring to hear, fat bitch opposite.
11:13 AM Jun 3rd
from mobile web
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Wife has cast meaningful sideways glance at me reading the BNP leaflet. This will be an interesting one to explain away.
1:24 AM May 31st
from web
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They're taking their time. Is such slacking what made Britain great? They're letting Britain down. Britain's Got Tossers.
1:20 AM May 31st
from web
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Haven't turned up yet. Probably still shaving their heads, or washing their brains in a thimble.
1:08 AM May 31st
from web
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Which assumes that there are brains to do so, admittedly. Perversely anticipating this now - a row with a fascist dickhead on a sunny day.
11:47 PM May 30th
from web
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Might invite my brother round to talk to them. A gay half-caste Jamaican who works in the "liberal media elite". Hope their brains implode.
11:45 PM May 30th
from web
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Although it might amuse the kids to learn that there are some people who hate their father even before he opens his mouth.
11:39 PM May 30th
from web
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Why on Earth do they think they'll get support in this village? People are more decent than that, surely?
11:37 PM May 30th
from web
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Admittedly the wheelchair willl make this look difficult. Bet they don't notice that, though. They might notice my international beige face.
11:35 PM May 30th
from web
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Apparently they will call back later. I must make sure I am in. Might roll myself a fattie and make it look as if I'm burgling the place.
11:33 PM May 30th
from web
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BNP election leaflet through the door. Of a Jamaican married to an Italian. Really thought that one through, haven't they? Twats.
11:31 PM May 30th
from web
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I wonder who will appear in my brekkie tomorrow? I suspect Steve Irwin. Although part of me thinks Billy Dainty. Suspense is killing me.
1:14 PM May 29th
from web
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I decided that it was Tony Gubba and therefore feel less guilty about spreading his face with jam. Although I suspect Jesus would like that.
2:27 AM May 29th
from web
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It's either Jesus in my toastpattern or it's Charles Manson. Depends how it catches the light. Could actually be Tony Gubba.
12:38 AM May 29th
from web
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Scraping myself into evening dress; drinks part-eh at publisher. Sunday night train into Paddington, cab across town. School night. Giddy.
12:22 PM May 17th
from web
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- Name Jacques Stewart
- Bio Grumpy. Sadistic. Probably illiterate. An unlikely specimen. Adventures in cress.
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