JackDonaghy
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That’s what I’m talking about. Human empathy, it’s as useless as the Winter Olympics… this February on NBC.
11:54 PM Nov 20th
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The rule of threes is a myth. It doesn’t exist. Like going bald with dignity.
11:47 PM Nov 19th
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You can’t let emotions distract you from making decisions about the slaves who built the pyramid which will one day be your tomb.
9:06 PM Nov 9th
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Good god, your breath. When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?
9:02 PM Nov 5th
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Would you be more likely to buy a microwave if it could be programmed to ask about your day? Before you answer, consider your loneliness.
8:00 PM Nov 3rd
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Let's hit the Meadowlands racetrack on the way home. I’ve got a betting system based on horse penis size.
9:21 PM Oct 28th
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We can go to a Yankee game. I have great seats in the section between the players’ wives and the players’ mistresses.
7:23 PM Oct 23rd
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There’s nothing wrong with being fun and popular and just giving people what they want. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jay Leno.
7:19 PM Oct 22nd
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I’ll give you a New York Minute. That’s 7 seconds.
6:37 PM Oct 21st
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Every division of the company is reaching out to the middle of the country. Our new mammogram machine is called the “Get ‘Er Done 2000.”
7:53 PM Oct 19th
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The Kids' Choice Awards? Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven-Symoné for one day, but she knows what she did.
5:25 PM Oct 1st
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Nobody flies without medication anymore. Why shouldn't you enjoy the same luxuries as a dog?
8:57 PM Sep 28th
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Women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.
11:12 PM Sep 4th
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As you may have read in Robert Parker's wine newsletter: "Donaghy Estates tastes like Satan's urine after a hefty portion of asparagus."
10:48 PM Aug 27th
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Hey, check this out. I just made it up: The three B's: Beers, Boats and Buds. Doesn't that sound great?
11:22 PM Aug 21st
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What happened in your childhood to make you believe people are good?
5:21 PM Jul 31st
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I have other things on my plate. You hear about that chemical factory explosion outside of Colorado Springs? No? Good.
6:50 PM Jul 29th
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Leo's an excellent physician and a pretty good dentist.
6:26 PM Jul 24th
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The ugly duckling has turned into a vaguely ethnic swan.
7:44 PM Jul 14th
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I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
10:14 PM Jul 2nd
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