JackDonaghy
I'm sorry, I can't take this beeper off. I'm expecting a call from 1983.
| What happened to make you punish yourself with all this mediocrity? Living like a boxcar hobo with a piece of lettuce stuck in your hair. |
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| Oh, my. There appears to be a gentleman making passionate, angry love to himself. Am I wrong or is he in the middle of a staff meeting? |
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| Ya come a long way with your cheap loafers and page jacket. But you'll always be a pig farmer's boy, cuz I smell fried baloney all over you. |
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| You think Reagan is still President? You lucky bastard. |
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| She was our adversary during the Sheinhart Wig hearings and wants to make it legal for a man to marry his dog. But what we have is special. |
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| My mother never baked us any cookies because she never felt we deserved any cookies, so obviously this has nothing to do with my childhood. |
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| All my summer replacement shows were hits. America's Next Top Pirate. MILF Island (25 super-hot moms, 50 eighth-grade boys, no rules). |
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| $5 million...each? That's NBA sexual assault money! |
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| I once stopped to catch a snowflake with my tongue, but apparently that's some kind of signal in Chelsea. |
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| Look how it's testing! They love it in every demographic: colored people, broads, fairies, commies. Gosh, we gotta update these forms. |
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| What happened? Did you take an Ambien with your Franzia and sleep walk here? |
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| My god, I've never seen such relentless blind encouragement. No wonder you're a sexually frightened know-it-all. |
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| Let me guess how you'll spend your night: Meatball sub, extra bread, bottle of NyQuil, Tivo Top Chef, a little Ms. Bonnie Raitt, lights out. |
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| Once they cast Clay Aiken in Spamalot, I knew it was only a matter of time before you showed up here. |
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| I get my hair cut every two days. After all, your hair is your head suit. |
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| What did your mother mean when she said you were a beautiful genius? Was she taunting you? |
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| I've been studying comedy. Learning what's funny. I'm watching "Friends" right now. What happens with Ross and Rachel? No, don't tell me. |
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| Well, my lady friend and I called it off. I finally realized we weren't compatible. I mean, I'm all for fantasy role-play, but Abu-Gharib? |
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| Guess where I was last night? Kandahar. Took the corporate jet to hook up with my neo-con inamorata. |
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