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JackDonaghy

  1. The ugly duckling has turned into a vaguely ethnic swan.
  2. I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
  3. Gosh, I hope you got a picture of that with a camera on your beeper.
  4. Just to know she's filled with bile over me warms my heart.
  5. Don't gloat. It makes you seem man-ish.
  6. What is this? A green card thing? Closet case? Slump buster? Bundy-esque serial killer?
  7. I haven't seen this many riled-up dirtbags since CVS started to put the cold medicine behind the counter.
  8. Since Giuliani left, it's getting harder to harvest hobo organs.
  9. I have the liberal media establishment at my disposal. The same manipulation machine that got Obama elected and donated to Rainstorm Katrina
  10. Clear my morning. I have to synergize backward overflow.
  11. You being dead is the best thing that ever happened to this movie. I wanna Tupac you.
  12. It's the biggest regret of my life. And I once made love to Kathy Hilton.
  13. Enjoy your decorative air holders, you deserved them.
  14. Sometimes sexual bartering works: Salome, Mata Hari, Deborah Norville.
  15. Have you ever been to Florida? It's a criminal population. It's America's Australia.
  16. You'll do fine as long as you follow my Three Ds: Discretion, Docility and Don't Use My Bathroom.
  17. His life is like Enron, circa 1999. So wild.
  18. Somewhere right now a guy is on a J-Date with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody's perfect.
  19. I've already put my wedding announcement in Cigar Aficionado.
  20. This is decadent. And I once went to Miami with Daryl Strawberry.