JHUCrimeLog
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4:23PM: 12 cadavers missing from medical campus. In other news, Tamber's is having sale on beef gyros
11:47 PM Dec 2nd
from web
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10:04PM: Czechoslovakian freshman found locked in AMR 1 multi-purpose room. Will free him after thanksgiving
7:05 PM Nov 24th
from web
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Just because it's Thanksgiving doesn't mean you can charge $85 for a turkey leg, Uni Mini. Mashed potato-flavored hookah? Delicious.
7:57 PM Nov 22nd
from web
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5:46PM: Arrested a man in a top hat loitering outside AMR I; turned out to be scarecrow
2:43 PM Nov 18th
from web
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8:15PM: Riot breaks out in Shriver Hall after Tucker Max refuses to urinate on crowd; 24 Hopkins females arrested
4:53 PM Nov 11th
from web
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note to self: look into inventing crumbless cookie and crime vaccine
6:00 PM Nov 9th
from web
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2:15AM: Massive hop cop raid on AMR II nabs 39 facebook stalkers. Special thanks to undercover freshman for wearing wire.
12:48 PM Nov 3rd
from web
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just saw paranormal activities. scared the bejallah out of me plus missed 2nd half waiting for slurpee machine to be fixed
9:57 PM Nov 1st
from Twitterrific
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Attention Hopkins ladies: you can only dress as a slutty nurse if you are at least moderately slutty
4:50 PM Oct 31st
from Twitterrific
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Ghostbuster is not a real thing no matter what a flier Officer Anderson got from a hobo says
4:49 PM Oct 31st
from Twitterrific
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Whoever graffiti-ed Happy Birthday Jon Pool on my segway, I have your vomit. And as soon as we get a DNA machine you're so busted.
5:03 PM Oct 28th
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It will be a cold day in hell before these hollywood fruits make me wear a "harvard cop" hat and lose 15 pounds before sunday. Hopkins 4ever
2:24 PM Oct 28th
from web
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philosophy question: if a person commits an unspeakable crime in the forest and i was napping so i didnt arrest him, should i be fired?
1:16 PM Oct 27th
from web
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12:08AM: Crowd of Loyola students dispersed with tear gas outside of 'The New Den' (basement of Uni Mini)
1:25 PM Oct 26th
from web
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Segway Tip #4: don't order your segway direct from Myanmar
5:39 PM Oct 25th
from web
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worst haunted hay ride ever! full of 8-year olds crying about ghosts and that "scary old policeman" plus i left my gun on it
4:57 PM Oct 24th
from web
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Free puppies! now that i've got your attention, someone plz clean up these puppy carcasses in front of bloomberg
9:53 PM Oct 22nd
from web
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SAE's bid to host 'Homeless Olympics' declined
1:52 PM Oct 22nd
from Twitterrific
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segway ran out of batteries in north baltimore. help me paul chen
10:08 PM Oct 21st
from web
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4:01 PM: Hopkins-affiliated hipster jailed for obscenely unkempt beard; uses one phone call to tether Macbook to Wi-Fi
1:03 PM Oct 21st
from web
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- Name Pat Labarskey
- Location Baltimore, MD
- Bio (NOTE: Not affiliated with Johns Hopkins University) Completely fake parody!!!
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