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IndiscreetTweet

  1. Jay Leno is a cockroach in a nuclear winter, happily feasting on the debris and remains and... he... will... outlive... us... all.
  2. Jay Leno is capable of more than just sucking all the funny out of America. He has also sucked the careers out of once funny men.
  3. The TSA didn't let Joan Rivers on the plane because they had "reason to believe" the plastic in her face contained PETN.
  4. I'm sorry but there are some things that should never be seen in 3-D. Like Nancy Grace's nose.
  5. The Devil told Rush Limbaugh that every time he says "Democrat Party," he buys another hour on this mortal coil.
  6. My followers are truly organic. Corn-fed and cage-free.
  7. Al Gore would like to argue that these record sub-zero temperatures do not disprove global warming, but his jaw is frozen shut.
  8. I can't wait to get my hands on these Apple Cold and Sinus tablets.
  9. So Gatorade has dumped Tiger for Ali. Trading up.
  10. Chad Ochocinco, who has injured his left knee, just announced he will change his last name to Ouchocinco. #NFL
  11. You can see real fear in the GEICO gekko's eyes now that the creepy old man has followed him into the can.
  12. Just what Fatso America needs-- Pepsi Throwback, MADE WITH REAL SUGAR AND PACKED WITH CARBS!
  13. Today is National Cream Puff Day. Give Urban Meyer and Brett Favre a hug.
  14. Happy New Year, Sweetcakes! Let's make 2010 productive! Truly special! Magical! Now go fetch me a beer.
  15. Just stuck a shiv in the neck of 2009.
  16. The man on the moon has turned blue from holding his breath until this horrific decade ends.
  17. Why is everyone in a tizzy over a "terrorist" who used a firecracker to blow off his wee-wee?
  18. OK, my New Year's resolution is to stop swearing at you. Ya frucking happy now? Ya frucking crunt.
  19. Brett Favre wept magical tears in the locker room. The tears were collected in a jar and will be sent to ESPN HQ. Holy water.
  20. Al Qaeda proudly admits, "Yup, the nitwit who lit his crank on fire is one of us."