InSoOutSo
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Once again, my wife pulled the long end of the wishboner.
about 5 hours ago
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Making a 22lb Jamesons for Thanksgiving.
about 24 hours ago
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""Stirring the Egg Nog"" with my boner.
1:28 PM Nov 25th
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Technically, I taught your mom how to do that to a turkey.
12:02 PM Nov 25th
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Never buy underwear on a Black Friday. I ended up with 50% off my ego.
10:00 AM Nov 25th
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@ Ask her what we should do about the economy. Test her in the downtime!
8:10 AM Nov 25th
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in reply to erikprice
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26 more days until California. Say it fast enough and it sounds like, "Om mani padme hum."
7:38 AM Nov 25th
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@ It's relieving to see that 1,000,000+ follower count hasn't dressed up your tweets.
6:04 AM Nov 25th
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in reply to abigvictory
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You call it a five day weekend, I call it five days without you in my office.
5:45 AM Nov 25th
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I had a dream about Xzibit.
5:12 AM Nov 25th
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My Dell is a brick...house.
4:50 AM Nov 25th
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I'm prescribing @ two milligrams of Happy Birthday.
3:48 PM Nov 24th
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Ever stand at the urinal and wonder when you are going to die, only to remember, "Oh, right, I took a multivitamin."
2:29 PM Nov 24th
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Setting my alarm to order leather binders from a French boutique in Switzerland as soon as it opens. Your job is invalid.
2:23 PM Nov 24th
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Dance like Lucinda Dickey is watching.
12:43 PM Nov 24th
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After the third Berenstain Bears book you can tell that Papa Bear grew a lot of weed.
12:39 PM Nov 24th
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I forgot my phone this morning. Today has been magical and HEY DO YOU HAVE THE TIME?
12:26 PM Nov 24th
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So...this is the rapture. Yup. How are you guys doing?
10:39 AM Nov 24th
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Do I want golf stuff for Christmas? Knickers, please.
7:14 AM Nov 24th
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Salsa farts are dancing out of my butt. It's all in the hips.
6:59 AM Nov 24th
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