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InSoOutSo

  1. RIP Bob Zmuda.
  2. You know the picture of Ali yelling at Fraser to get up? While I sit here on the floor, I can't help but think that Jamesons is taunting me.
  3. Wife is doing the 24-hour fast for UNICEF. I'm eating barbecue ribs for breakfast.
  4. 3:43 am. Just me and the train horns. Yup. And the bleach smell. Mixed with ammonia. And the Jamesons. Mixed with Santa.
  5. If it had puke on it, I bleached it. Everything but the laundry. You know, don't want to lose my man card. Zest of lemon spruced it all up!
  6. Off to the bar to make some money. Same problem, different puke.
  7. Houston, we have toddler vomit.
  8. A bear’s sense of smell is so acute that they can detect a scent from 20 miles away. I want to apologize to all the bears of my county.
  9. Sitting behind the President of Drakkar on the bus.
  10. I have some laxative brownies in the company refrigerator with my name on them.
  11. Shooting a fish documentary with a Betacam, laughing at some wordplay.
  12. I thought we got rid of Republican abortions in 2008.
  13. Happy Birthday to a lot of you. I'm not very thoughtful.
  14. Stupid heart murmur won't shut up. The tingling arm is nice, though.
  15. Standing at the bus stop wearing all black. A girl is standing in my sunbeam, stealing my warmth. Somewhere, a calico sheds a tear for me.
  16. @gordonshumway I'm glad you're dating again.
  17. She smiled, turned around and walked away. Given her toothy grin and ample hindquarter, it was evident that I wouldn't be able to trust her.
  18. Shaving my son's head to honor the 250th anniversary of the Münchhausen moon landing.
  19. @smartasshat BREAKING: Tyler Perry to replace Steven Tyler.
  20. My mouth is an orphanage for shitty Halloween candy.