IAmMrsClaus
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Dear Angelina, sorry, we're fresh out of third world babies this year. Madonna got the last one. Eat a fucking burger while you're waiting.
about 19 hours ago
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Grandma was run over by a reindeer, so the fuck what. She should have moved her ass faster. Time is money people.
about 19 hours ago
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Fucking elves are making anatomically correct gingerbread men again. It must be disco night.
about 19 hours ago
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RT @: What are your quotes for strength? <- "bring me another goddamn martini you fat fucker" -me
7:41 PM Nov 28th
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RT @: I only wish the guy beside us would stop fucking farting. sickitation. <-sorry, can't take Santa anywhere.
7:38 PM Nov 28th
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RT @: I've decided to let sleeping dogs lie. <-he'll no, take a lesson from Tiger's wife & whack the shit out of him
7:36 PM Nov 28th
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RT @: Its not christmas until Penis Santa makes an appearance. <-what the fuck is that??
1:17 PM Nov 28th
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We are noticing a sudden rise in married women requesting golf clubs. And divorce lawyers.
12:59 PM Nov 28th
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RT @: So @ has over 600 followers.. <-I expect they'll all sober up at some point honey
8:57 PM Nov 27th
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Dear Richard Gere, no we do not have any of those dumbass zhu zhu mechanical hamsters. Request denied.
5:02 PM Nov 27th
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Listen up bitches. It's almost black Friday. No pushing, no slapping and no hair pulling. Weaves are expensive as fuck man.
3:03 PM Nov 26th
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RT @: Always makes me smile | Christmas Lights Gone Wild <-if I lived next door to that shit I'd need more vodka.
4:46 PM Nov 25th
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Listen up people - donate a toy to Toys for Tots this year. These fucking little elves can only do so much. Don't be greedy whores.
3:52 PM Nov 25th
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RT @: @ by the way, can you tell me how far down the naughty list I am? <-you're getting Sarah Palin's book
3:50 PM Nov 25th
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Why the fuck doesn't the liquor store have a black Friday sale? Damn commie bastards.
3:48 PM Nov 25th
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RT @: @ I think you have been in the hard cider <-the cider is the only thing hard around here if ya know what I mean
3:44 PM Nov 25th
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RT @: @ shouldn't you be cooking dinner or something? <-shouldn't you be cleaning your head outta your ass?
3:43 PM Nov 25th
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I also miss that @ he was such a hard little worker.
3:41 PM Nov 25th
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Ever since little Tommy Cruise left his job here making toys and joined that cult decking the halls just hasn't been as fun. Fucker.
3:38 PM Nov 25th
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Fucking Thanksgiving. You know what I'm thankful for? That I'm not a fucking turkey. And vodka, I'm thankful for vodka and cigarettes. Fuck.
3:27 PM Nov 25th
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- Name Mrs. Claus
- Location Seriously?
- Bio Oh you think Santa is all toys and happy happy. You don't have to live with the fat bastard. F my life.
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